Lloyd Garmadon x Female Reader

Chapter Fifteen

Delicate - Taylor Swift

(WARNING: MINOR TRIGGER WARNING)

Kai Smith - Burnt - COMING MAY 1ST

Morro - I Hate You I Love You - COMING MAY 20TH

Jay Walker - How To Be A Heartbreaker - COMING JUNE 1ST

Cole Bucket - Stone heart - DATE TO BE ANNOUNCED

I hated that my emotions thought that it was okay to like Lloyd. I refused to admit it for a while, but now I know for a fact that I do. I know that I like him, but despite that, I still hate him with a fiery passion.

I sat on the deck. The only person I knew was awake was Zane, but he's a Nindroid, so he didn't have to sleep. He was in his room meditating.

The stars shone brightly above me, and I smiled, wondering if anything above or anyone below would see me. Of course, I didn't think of myself as beautiful, but I was hoping someone out there did. My friends didn't even really make me feel like I had some kind of worth.

All they said was "you're pretty, now shut up," and that was that. They never assumed that maybe I was saying those things, not for attention but because I want someone to notice how I'm lying about being fine and how so much shit has gone down in my life that I was pretty much done with everything.

There was a time when I had wanted to kill myself, but I never actually tried because I kept telling myself to hang on just a little bit longer and that someone would come and save you, and maybe even sweep you off your feet and carry you to some kind of sanctuary.

But that time hasn't come. My first thoughts of suicide started when I was in sixth grade. I felt like absolute shit because people couldn't accept me for me.

From then on I knew that whoever cared about me out there either didn't exist or they were never coming around. I wasn't going to stay and wait, so I just shut everyone out. Even those who could have possibly cared for me once. I built my walls so high that I don't think they are ever coming back down.

I didn't care about finding love or my purpose anymore. I was just here to live and die. Simple as that.

The stars above dashed by peacefully as the ship kept moving forwards. I didn't even know where we were going. And frankly, I didn't care. I don't care. Caring is what got me to where I am now. Same thing with trusting everyone. Everyone just loves to assume that I'm a rude bitch, but they never care to get the whole story. But I understand. Asking is too much work. People probably can't handle it.

The sound of the creaking floorboards snapped me from my thoughts. I glanced behind me to see-

"You up early or late?" Lloyd asked.

My face burned. "Late. Can't sleep. You?"

"Can't sleep either." He came and sat down beside me. "What's on your mind?"

I pursed my lips, trying to appear nonchalant when my thoughts were:

YOU FUCKING LITTLE FUCK DON'T YOU FUCKING SIT DOWN BESIDE ME YOU LITTLE FUCKER- DON'T YOU FUCKING HAVE THE AUDACITY TO ASK ME WHAT'S ON MY MIND YOU LITTLE-

"Nothing, just...thinking," I said, breaking his stare.

He let loose a breathy chuckle. "Me too."

There was a moment of silence before I decided that we couldn't keep up this awkwardness any longer. "What are your...missions about?"

"Confidential." He said blandly.

"Oh."

"I'm kidding." He smiled, dimples pressing into his sweet cheeks. "We're just doing the typical stuff. Patrolling the city, catching drug dealers, stopping them, protecting the city."

Bullshit.

"Oh, cool."

He looked at me, his smile faltering. "You sure you're okay?"

I stopped picking at my nails and looked up at him, biting my lip. What a coincidence, I was just thinking about that. I wanted to tell him not to pretend he cared because he didn't need to. Nobody did. If you didn't care, you don't need to pretend you do. Just leave me be.

I couldn't tell if Lloyd was pretending or not. I just hoped he was, that would make things ten times easier, but I knew somewhere deep down that I wanted him to care. I wanted him to care so badly.

"Y/n?" He asked again.

"Hm? Whats? Oh, y-yeah, I'm fine..." I let me words slur. Maybe he did care. "Are you okay?" I chuckled.

He looked towards the clouds. "No," He sighed.

My giggle faded. "Oh, I-I'm sorry-"

Lloyd looked down and laughed. "No no, it's alright. You didn't know."

"Well, do you want to...talk about it?"

He sighed, opened his mouth, closed it.

I remained silent. I couldn't stand it. I didn't know how he could not be okay and still ask someone else if they were doing fine. He could still act perfectly fine and still have the burden of five teammates on his shoulders. Heck, what about the burden of being the green Ninja? What about that?

"You know you can talk about it. Not only because I have nothing better to do but because you really don't seem fine."

I felt him tense up. Maybe he's just tired, or grumpy or something. Maybe it was that. Or perhaps he needed someone with him. Someone to just be here beside him. I felt sorry for the guy. He had so much to deal with-

No. Don't feel sorry for him. You shouldn't. He let everything be taken away from you. You can't do this to yourself.

"Lloyd?"

"Mhm?"

"What about your teammates? I know we've only known each other for a while, so maybe talking to them would be more comfortable for you."

"It's better if I talk to you..."

"What? Why?"

He licked his lips and frowned, the wind brushing his blonde hair back. What was so important? Why me out of the ten people on this ship?

It was hard talking to someone who would never speak. Maybe he was like me, too. Maybe even worse. I didn't know what to make of the situation, so I just remained silent. Well, until I felt his hand on mine. I gasped, and he turned towards me.

Answer my questions? Was that what he was gonna do? Or-

"Y/n, I should have told you this the second I found out."

"Tell me...what?" He was so close to me now.

"I'm sorry that my team wasn't there to save your family."