When The Nights Get Long

Tell Me You Love Me

Train rides were always fun whenever Blue was with their family. They always loved traveling on the sideways seats or the ones that faced backwards. Though this time, facing any direction other than forwards was bound to make them nauseous after their talk with Andrew the prior night. There were so many things left unsaid, things they desperately wanted to tell Andrew but couldn't.

"Wh...when is...when is he coming back?" they managed to ask.

"In a week. He got the news about a month ago, and he wasn't entirely sure if it would happen until a few days ago. He and Sara found an apartment for you all to live in if you choose to," he replied.

"If I chose to?"

"I mean...unless you choose to move back into your own place."

"So, my only options are to move out on my own or move back in with my brother?"

Andrew shrugged. "If your brother is nearby and can take you in, there's no reason for you to live here."

That was more than enough of an answer for them. There was no reason for Blue to stay if Luke was back. They were supposed to go back to him, so Andrew could go back to him, as Blue was nothing but a replacement. There was no fight to keep them with him, no desire for them to stay. If he truly was in love with them, Andrew would have fought for them to stay. But he didn't. It was Luke or no one. They didn't know what choice to make, but they knew one thing:

They weren't going to choose him.

"Since you don't have any classes next week, he wants you to go down and visit him tomorrow."

"How did-"

"I told him."

They hummed. "Well, if I'm going to be on a train for a while, I better get some sleep."

"Blue-"

"Goodnight," they stated, slamming the door in his face.

There was no sleep that night, no dreams. Blue stared at the gray ceiling, the world fuzzy as they couldn't recall if what happened was a dream or a nightmare. They weren't sleeping, so no matter what, their reality would be distorted. Whether or not they were ready to face the consequences was up to them. And they honestly didn't want to.

Five hours should have been enough time to process everything, but it didn't feel as though there would ever be enough time to calculate every move Andrew ever made towards Blue to analyze whether he truly wanted them to leave or not. He loved them, he wrote about it in his book. But it could have been nothing more than a book with such an intricate plot that he had to write it as if he were living it to cement the authenticity. And maybe the lover was supposed to be them, not the endgame. 

But he was over Luke, Andrew said it was true. Blue understood why he would lie to them about it, but after spending so much time being doted on and idolized, they doubted it was the truth. The best they could do was accept that their train of thought would lead nowhere for a while, and that they would have to forget about it for the time being.

Luke waited for Blue at the station, ready to take them to his apartment and treat them for the next few days while they visited. They wanted to forget everything and spend time with their brother. They missed him, surely, though, not as much as he did over them. Maybe a couple of days away from Andrew would be enough to help culminate a rational train of thought. Luke, after all, was the only person who could help Blue forget about their worries and feel better without even knowing he was doing it. They needed him. They needed him.