Chapter Twenty-One|| Alara's Side

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{Alara's POV}

Evan's story shook me up more than I wanted it to. I never expected him to open up to me about those years he was away from me, but here we were with tears in our eyes after he had done so. 

"Evan, I'm so sorry. For everything." 

"Don't be." he leaned over, kissing my forehead. 

"I...need to come clean too. I need to talk about what happened to me as well." I stated and he slowly nodded. 

"If you want to."

"When they took me away that night. I was shipped to this place where all these witches were. Witches with dark magic are hated and since I contained it...they hated me. I was a disgrace in their eyes, so each day became a little worse. They did horrible spells to me. Some days I don't even think they were trying to help me...I think they were just trying to torture me." Evan gripped my hand tightly in his. 

"One spell specifically still sends chills down my spine just thinking about it. The spell is meant to undo the ties the black magic had on my soul. When black magic enters a witch, it latches onto their soul like a parasite and feeds off it, so after a while...you don't have one. King Christian told them to save whatever was left of my soul, even when they tried to tell him I didn't have one. I knew it was a lie because, after each time they did the spell, I felt the old me coming back. I felt raw emotions that I hadn't felt in years but they were still dull...even to this day." I tried to blink away my tears but it was no use as they trailed down my cheeks. 

"It was so painful. Each time they did it I could feel the black magic ripping apart inside me. It was such an off but painful experience. I did that for countless days and nights. They sometimes tried other spells but none worked as good as that one. The days I wasn't there I was in my room that wasn't really a room. It was just somewhere to lay my head at night and slowly wither away. The spell drained me so much that I couldn't eat or keep anything on my stomach. I lost a lot of my weight, a deadly amount, but they didn't care. They just kept trucking on and continuing the spell." A low growl rumbled in Evan's chest at the thought but I continued, just needing to get this off my chest. 

"Then years later, something weird happened one day. The pain stopped...and I realized the black magic that was left had found a way to alter the way it reacted to the spell. The spell didn't work on it anymore, but the black magic was still so weak and since I wasn't practicing it still...it didn't grow in power. It remained dull, but I could still hear the whispers. I kept acting like it was working and they thought so too since I started to look healthier again since I finally could stomach food once more." I shook my head with a humorless laugh. 

"And then came Christian. He had heard the news; Alara Lavender is healed!" I mocked. "He was quick to offer me a deal. Help in the war and help bring up new alphas and I would see you again. He used our biggest weakness to reap the benefits. I don't blame him. I know what we did and we deserved it...we had to learn somehow. He still helped us in a way...because I truly believe we needed it, hands down. I'm glad in a way as crazy as it sounds, but that didn't help the fact I was still angry at him for taking you away from me then expecting me to just help him out of the blue...but I'd do anything for you so I agreed. Then I saw his mate that day and the anger bubbled within me and I nearly killed her. I would have...if that wasn't for her being apart of my old coven." I met Evan's eyes. 

"I nearly jeopardized getting you back just so I could hurt him one last time...a foolish thing to do after he just gave us both a second chance at living again. I don't know why I exactly did it. I tell myself I did it because I wanted him to feel the pain that I did when you died in front of me...but I know that if I would have been in my right mind and I didn't have dark magic creeping within me that I would have thought it through and realized how stupid I was acting."

"I understand—" Evan started to say but I cut him off, shaking my head. 

"But you don't. You just said you pretty much agreed to be Christian's lap dog to have me back. Even though I agreed at first to come to the royal castle to help him, I still tried to make a foolish decision for my own, horrible benefit. I nearly gave you up for that. What does that say about me?"

"That you went through some serious things, Alara. You couldn't help that you still had dark magic within you!"

"Wrong...It says that I am a monster of a person who Christian should have killed when he had the chance! I could have told them that it wasn't working anymore! I could have and would have avoided all this! But I didn't! And that wasn't even the black magic making me lie! I solely did it because I didn't want to be there anymore and I didn't care what the hell happened after that. I am an awful person and I will never be able to forgive myself for the things I have done. There is no saving me, Evan. I'm sorry, but this black magic within me won't go away. It's too smart. As Alec said, it only goes away when the host dies...And it may be locked up now, but I'm a ticking time bomb ready to go off."

"Don't say that." he gritted out. 

"I just did...I'm just saying that we need to prepare ourselves. I need you to be ready."

"For what, Alara?"

"For the day I need you all to put me out of my misery. To end this." 

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