Oblivious | Park Jimin

Guilt

S T A S I A

"I'm sorry. I won't be able to attend practice for a while. I'm not well at all." I tell Coach Daniel's through the phone. "Yes, I'm very sick. No this isn't about SooJin. Yeah, yeah, alright. Thanks for understanding."

I throw my phone across the room not caring where it lands. I shove my face into the pillow and scream loudly into it. The tears unleash right after it. It's been days since that day and I still feel sickening. How could I be so stupid? How did I ever think he had good intentions? Why did I go with him? I should've just gone home and nothing would've ever happened. This is all my fault. I feel disgusting and dirty. No matter how hard and often I rub my skin, I don't feel clean. I doubt that feeling will ever go away.

I haven't done anything in days. I've stayed in bed the whole day and do nothing but cry basically. I'm not in the mood for anything. I can't sleep, eat, or even be in the right state of mind. The only real reason I still have some sanity left is because of Jimin. He stays with me all the time unless he's busy. He makes me food and motivates me to shower and stuff. Not even with him I have the energy to talk.

Usually I try following his instructions and do what he asks me to do, I know it's all in my favor and for my sanity but really if he wasn't here I would be a mess. Another deep pain I hold is my outburst on him. I should have never done that, and I don't know if I can ever fix that. I told him it was his fault, but it wasn't. It really wasn't. I was just angry with myself, with him, and the world. I wish what happened to me didn't happen. If I could sell my soul to take back that day, I would do it in a snap.

Jimin left me earlier because he had to go take care of some business with his brothers. Thinking of how good of a friend Jimin has been to me and I put the blame on him made me feel really guilty. I was ashamed. I choked on my tears as I had flashbacks of all our good times. He's my first friend ever and he's amazing. He's so caring and kind. To think this all started because of a jacket. I wouldn't trade Jimin for anyone in the world and I know that for sure.

All the pain I had within was killing me. I slide of my bed as the tears continued. I glance at the mirror on my way down and my face was red. My lips were plumped and there was pain in my eyes. I couldn't handle this. It was too much for my little heart.

"Stas?!" I hear a voice in the room.

My only response was my tears.

As I look up I find Jimin finding me on the floor. He sits down next to me and hugs me. I hug him back tightly and for some reason it makes me cry more. I hear him sigh and rub my back.

"If I could take all this pain away... I would." He says lowly.

-"J-Jimin." I stutter. "I-I... I I'm so so so sorry." I cry on his shoulder.

"No no. Shs. You have no reason to be." Jimin says into my ear.

"N-no. Jimin please." I cry. "I'm so sorry. I love you."

"I do too." He hugs me tighter.

"I should've never snapped on you."

"Stas please... I understand." He pulls away lifting my to look at him. "I should've been there for you like I said I would. I failed you."

"Jimin..."

"Yes?"

"You've been the only person there for me. You've done everything for me. I don't have any right to treat you that way and put that guilt on you. It was not your fault." I cry. "It's my fault for being stupid and naive. You warned me many times."

Jimin kisses my forehead. "Stasia, I promise this pain will go away. It's just going to take time."

"It just hurts so bad."

"I'm so sorry baby.." He hugs me once more.

I sit in his lap and cuddle into him. I feel safe in his arms.

J I M I N

Stasia cuddled herself up in my lap as I held her in my arms. It was really cute. She fell asleep before I even knew it.

I stroked her hair as she had her face buried into my chest. I've been spending all my time with her and motivating her to shower, eat and all that. The boys were really supportive with me right now and they understood I had to be here for Stas.

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Two chapters in a row because you guys deserve it😚 Hoped you guys enjoyed it

See ya in the next chapter!!! Much love<3