Dear Evan Hansen Oneshots

Hello- Sincerely Three

Trigger warning- Mentions of suicidal thoughts, self deprecation

Jared took a shaky inhale, pulling the straps of his backpack onto his shoulders. He bit back tears, chewing unforgivably on the inside of his bottom lip.

Connor and Evan were still asleep, dreaming up their own little worlds. Jared wondered if he was a part of those worlds. He wanted to be. He couldn't deny the ache in his chest, or the tiny voice inside of his head that screamed for him to crawl back into bed with the two and hold them tightly and pretend that everything was okay. That he was okay.

But Jared wasn't okay, and he had no energy left to keep pretending. He grabbed a piece of paper and a pencil from the dining room cupboard, scribbling a quick note:

Dear Connor and Evan,

I'm leaving. I don't know where I'm going, but I don't think I'm coming home. I love you guys. Please don't worry about me, I'll be safe. <3

-Jared

He set the note on the table, dropping the pencil, which fell to the table with a click. slipping his phone (and the charger) into his pocket, he took one last glance around the house. He opened the door, and left.

You may be asking yourself, 'But why did he leave?'

Jared didn't want to leave. He didn't want to leave his boyfriends' warm embrace. He didn't want to stop the fuzzy feeling in his stomach every time they gave him a hug.

But then there were the other feelings. The bigger voices inside of his head that their love was fake. Heck, his own thoughts were telling him that their love was fake. That they would be so much happier if he left.

He knew he was being irrational. He knew that if he just had an actual conversation with them, face to face over the table, then they would work things out. They would hug him and tell him that he was enough. He knew that they would do anything to help him be happy again.

But Jared was too scared of a different outcome. Hell, he didn't even know what outcome he was scared of. Maybe he was just scared of any outcome besides the one he was expecting.

He was scared to tell them how he actually felt, even though he was sure that they felt the same at least every once in a while.

All of his fears and insecurities told him to keep walking. So he kept walking.

***
Jared was sitting under a tree. He had been walking mindlessly for three hours, and now he had no idea where he was. Tears formed in his eyes whenever he had to watch his phone ring for minutes at a time, the screen flashing their contact names.

Jared hugged his knees to his chest, and he cried.

***
It had been a month since Jared left. He wasn't too far from home, he stopped wandering after he saw a state boarder. He slept in trees. He charged his phone and bought food at the gas station across the street. He changed in bathrooms. He washed his clothes at the laundrymat next store.

At least he was sanitary about the whole thing.

Sometimes he would look through all of the texts they sent him. They'd stopped calling, it was no use anymore.

One day, though, as he was sitting on a park bench, he got a few texts from Evan that made him start crying on the spot.

Ev❤: Connor stopped talking to me.