Dear Evan Hansen Oneshots

In Love (Kleinsen)

Trigger warning: Suicide, mentions of self harm

Seven year olds Jared and Evan were sitting next to each other on the grass, legs criss-crossed. They were at the park, watching a group of kids play together.

"That one girl in the pink shirt is really pretty. I love her hair." Evan noted, picking at the grass and chaining the pieces together.

"Yeah." There was an awkward silence. "Hey, Evan? I don't think I love girls."

"Really? Then who do you love?" Evan giggled, a smile tugging at his lips. "You have to love somebody, Jare."

"I think I love boys."

"That's cool! Do I love boys?"

"You might. I don't know." Evan shrugged, continuing to make his grass necklace.

***

Ten year olds Jared and Evan were sitting against the hallway wall, waiting for their peers to use the bathroom. Jared had his tongue out and his glasses upside-down, making Evan laugh. He made a tiny snort. Covering his mouth, Evan's face turned red, and he began to cry. Jared flipped his glasses the right way, and he put a hand on Evan's shoulder.

"Ev, what's wrong?"

"Isnortedandnowyouprobablyhatemebecauseitwasgross!"

"Why would I hate you? Look, I can do it too!" Jared grinned goofily, making loud, over-exaggerated snorting noises. Evan giggled, wiping his eyes. He snorted too, and they began to compete to see who could snort louder. Jared won.

***

Thirteen year olds Jared and Evan were sitting on the couch in Jared's living room, PlayStation controllers in their hands and thumbs moving rapidly as they tried to fill all of the empty spaces on their boards with multi-colored Tetris squares. The adults were at work, so they were all alone. Jared stole every glance at Evan that he could take, his heart aching and his chest tightening every time his eyes quickly flickered from his screen and onto the boy and then back. He knew that he was in love with Evan. He knew that he always had been. There was no 'big realization'. There was no eye opening moment. He just... knew.

"Jared, you're going to lose." Evan laughed, shaking his head as he flipped one of his pieces cozily into a space, clearing anther line on his board. Meanwhile, Jared's was almost filled, his side of the screen a rainbow of piling Tetris blocks. Jared shrugged.

"So? This isn't a live or die situation, Evan." Jared rolled his eyes, his lips forming into a sheepish smirk. Evan clicked his tongue. The music got faster, and Jared lost. "Oh no, look, somebody's going to come in and murder me now." Jared smiled, sarcasm filling his voice. Evan crossed his arms."Any second now. Annny second."

"Stoooop!" Evan laughed. Jared grinned, ruffling Evan's hair.

***
Fifteen year olds Jared and Evan were sitting in Jared's basement, tears pricking Jared's eyes and a sharp lump in his throat as he listened to Evan drone on and on about Connor Murphy, his crush. Connor had practically carved his initials into Evan's heart, and Evan had only known him for a couple of weeks.

"He's just so fucking... Connor. How the fuck can a living, breathing human being be so... So beautiful? So amazing? I didn't know anyone like him existed! He..." Jared began to cut Evan's voice from his attention, and drowned himself in his own thoughts.

***

A sixteen year old Jared watched in a slight state of jealousy, his face red, his eyes watering, as Connor and Evan held hands, not really paying attention to Jared trailing slightly behind them, letting his feet drag on their way to an ice-cream shop. At this point, he just wanted to turn around and go home. He almost didn't even get out of bed that morning, but did anyway in hopes that Evan might talk to him at least a little bit after inviting him to hang out with him and Connor. Spoiler alert; he didn't.