Finding Solace

XIII

The days grew longer, as did my stay in Texas with the Somers. Although I was welcomed to live in the house, I left the family to eat meals together. I may be intruding in their home but family meals are just that, for families. That was it. We only shared a living space, not a relation or a real connection. It was just unusual kindness. Sure, I wasn't told I couldn't join but I wasn't going to push it.

Each day, their voices and tones were the same. In the morning, they were quiet but active. In the afternoons, they were more rowdy, full of laughter and playful banter. The evening held their tired, sluggish tones, a tell tale sign that they work everyday of their life. Their conversations were always dominated by different pitches of low, baritone voices, accompanied by Mrs. Somer's higher one. I've gotten along with older women my entire life but the idea of having to sit in a room, surrounded by young men was not something I was used to. Boys never talked to me because of my awkward tendencies nor did I make it a point to join in on their inappropriate conversations and actions.

I had spent my entire life only associating with my parents' business partner's wives, who were always young snobby bitches or uptight classy women almost three times my age. It was just another reminded that I didn't have friends, that I couldn't have friends. I was the weird, rich girl that only had friends because she bought them, but even they didn't like me. No, they despised me. They like my platinum credit card with no limit and expensive luxury stores.

They would most definitely be laughing if they found out where I was right now. Out in the middle of nowhere, lucky enough to have cell service and access to wifi. I could already hear their snide remarks and snickers even though I haven't physically heard their voices in months.

I waited as the laughter dissipated from downstairs, the front door opening and the sound of heavy boots following each other onto the porch. Their banter became louder as they went outside. This was when it when I came downstairs. Not only did it keep my from having to have useless introductions with constant suffering and nothing to talk about, I didn't have to interact with such a large group. It was easy to keep an eye on one person at a time, preventing them from getting into my blind and vulnerable spots. It was hard to watch my back in groups, especially in jail, even with the armed prison guards. I just never felt safe nor will I ever.

There will always be that need to look behind my shoulder. That need to know where everyone is. There will always be those memories mocking me, taunting me until I silenced them with medical concoctions made by people who don't actually care, they just want money.

I will always be reminded of that night. The memories can be suppressed but I will always have the reminder. Carved into my skin, the scars won't ever leave. They reminded me of the hideous monster I truly was, reminded of the guilt I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

Though, even with my persistence to avoid the family to prevent annoyance, Maverick always seemed to appear in my routine. He would just randomly appear if I was feeding the puppy, the horse or even just standing around. No matter if I changed my timing and or location, he always seemed to find me and I didn't know how to take it. Sure, I can admit that he didn't seem threatening but that doesn't always equal out in the end. Some of the most harmless seeming people can end up being the worst human beings in society. Everyone is hiding something.

"Faylyn?" I hand landed on my shoulder and veered back until the hand broke contact. It took a few seconds for my eyes to refocus but the eventually landed on concerned eyes.
"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I guess I was in a daze." Somehow, I had made it into the kitchen subconsciously. I remembered starting to walk down the steps but I do not recall reaching the first floor whatsoever.

I moved to the counter where my breakfast usually sat, thanking her as I picked up the plate. If there is anything I will miss from this place when I leave, it would be the homestyled cooking. The overly salted taste of fish eggs and snails bored my palate and made my stomach churn.

"Would you like to eat that outside with me? I've been seeing a red fox running around in the mornings and I was hoping for a closer look."

She led me down the hall, passed the stairs and towards the back of the house. The walls were once again lined with portraits and pictures, further my indication that this is truly a family oriented home. Although the house was warm and had a calming air, the constant reminder of family had me feeling left out, cold even. When we reached the back door, it easily opened with the flick of her wrist, alarming me.

"You don't lock your doors?" She laughed and waved me off.

"Honey, their ain't nothing out here. The closest house it 12 miles away." Even so, I was still unnerved. It had been drilled into me that if you don't hide your stuff or lock it up, it won't be there the next day.

The air was still cool, the sun just barley past the tree line. Dew still clung to the grass, the smell of wet dirt and the slight breeze was refreshing and rejuvenating. The patio met with their nature, extending as far as the eye could see. We really were out in the middle of nowhere. I haven't heard a car for almost two weeks.

"It's beautiful."

"It is but mind the mess. I haven't seemed to put any effort into the yard anymore, which is a shame. The heat is just getting to me too fast these days." I gazed around the land, my eyes picking out what she was talking about. Her small flower gardens that were near the door were descent, only a few weeds, but it got worse as you went further out. I could see overgrown decorative bushes and I could make out some sort of fire ring covered in weeds. It wasn't bad but it did need a little work.

"I've always wanted a garden. The place where I lived at didn't have one and didn't allow box gardens."

"That's a shame." She commented, adjusting her straw hat. "You're welcome to mess around in here if you'd like."

Over conversation carried into the late morning. My plate had long been eaten and her coffee no longer have off steam. It was relaxing, hinting at the peace I had been looking for. Despite it being early afternoon, body sunk into plush outdoor chair, Mrs. Somer's smooth voice sending me off to sleep.