Finding Solace

XXIII

I intended on heading directly to my room but was monetarily distracted by the delightful smells coming from the kitchen. Her cooking filler me with warmth, a smile always brought upon my face just by the aroma of her cooking. Though I've had private chefs making me gourmet meals most of my life, they were all mostly weight watching, calorie deprived foods. They were tasteless, bland and most didn't even look appetizing. However, Mrs. Somers could make the simplest of foods enticing. Trailing off my my original path, I stopped in the kitchen to greet her before she informed that dinner will be done soon.

"Do you think I'll have enough time to take a quick shower? As much as I love the animals..." I pulled my dirty shift away from my body, eyeing the stains sweat and hair.

"You don't like to smell like one." She finished for me, laughing, and I gave her a small smile. "Of course, just be quick."

I made my way up the stairs, beginning my ascent. Closing the wooden door behind me, the hinges creaking slightly, I leaned against the door, sighing. Placing my head in my hands, I groaned, my face hot. What was I doing?

I could still feel his skin on mine, the warmth, the soothing roughness. His presence still affected me, even with the distance between us. I didn't know what I felt. My palms felt clammy and I was hot, my heart racing, pounding in my ears. If this was fear, why wasn't I afraid? I shouldn't t feel like this.

I groaned again and pushed off the door, practically throwing myself onto a sitting position on the bed and pulled off my shoes. Opening my nightstand, I grabbed the pills and dumped them onto my hand. A few fell out, leaving an empty container in my other hand. I stared at the few in my hand, counting them over and over, as if more would just appear in my hand so I could ignore the unavoidable future. Shaking my head, I tipped my hand, letting all but one of the pills fall back into the container. Their hollow sounds further told me I had to do this, even though I didn't want  to admit it.

Throwing the pill back, I swallowed it down before jumping in the shower. As much as wanted to stand there and let my mind wander, killing the time, I didn't want to make Mrs. Somers and the boys wait. As I dressed, I stared at myself in the mirror, breathing deeply and throughly contemplating what I was going to do. Sighing, I bent my head before pushing off the counter and heading back to my room to get dressed.

Throwing myself in the bed, begrudgingly this time, I grabbed my phone, knee bouncing anxiously . I haven't talked to him in months and I knew he would ask questions, ones I didn't to answer or he would give me answers I didn't want to hear. I opened my contact list, staring at his name for a few moments before pressing the call button. As the the phone rang, I debated on hanging up but he answered before I could make up my mind.

"Hello, thank you for calling the Family and Personal Counseling Office of The Hamptons, this is Jamie, how may I help you?" The front desk lady answered, a fake cheery tone in her voice.

"Yeah uh, Hi Jamie. This is Faylyn Sawyer, one of Dr. Gerald McArther's patients. I was wondering if I could speak with him."

"I can put you through to his office phone but he might not answer. If he doesn't, call back and I can leave a message for you." I thanked her before hearing another dial tone before being put through.

"Dr. Gerald McArther's speaking, how can I help you?" I heard the shuffling of papers in the background.

"Hey, Doctor, it's Faylyn Sawyer." The shuffling stopped and I could the clicking of his metal glasses and he took them.

"It's been a while, Miss Sawyer." He commented. "How are you doing?" I had been expecting this question.

"Fine,Doctor, but I am running low on my prescriptions." I rubbed my hand over my thigh, wanting this conversation to be over.

"Have they been working for you? Do you need any adjustments? Have you been taking them more or less in the past month?"

"They have been working fine, same as always. I've uh actually been taking them less than usually." I mumbled the last part, clutching the blanket for the question I knew was coming.

"And is there a reason why?" He always asked but it was more of a demand, a insisting on an answer.

"I got away.' A true but vague answer, the only one I would be giving, and he knew this.

"As long as it's healthy and you're better off." Heavy typing was then heard in the background. I sent a refill to your usual pharmacy weeks ago but it looks as if you haven't picked them up."

"I'm not longer in the area anymore. I'm uh, I'm actually in Texas now."

"Texas?" He inquired. "I never thought one of my patients would end up there of all places." His emphasis made me grip the blanket tightly, white knuckles. He was good at his job but he was one for unnecessary judgement.

"Yes." I clenched my jaw. "Is there anyway you could send them to me."

"Where is your location?" I pursed my lips. I still had no idea where I was. The thought had never come to mind.

"Could you hold on a minute?" I asked.

"Make it quick, Miss Sawyer. I have an appointment with my staff in a few minutes." I placed my phone on the bed and headed down stairs. Mrs. Somers stood where I left her, putting away a few things and wiping the counter.

"Mrs.Somers?" I asked.

"Yes, Deary?" She asked, folding a small towel.

"What is the town called? The one closest to us?"

"Alpine. Why? Do you need something from town?"

"No, no. My uh friend was curious. Besides, I haven't been yet and I was interested in going. Thank you, though."

"Any time, Deary. She smiled and I headed back to my room.

"Alpine. I'm closest to Alpine, Texas." I said into the phone. More typing met my response.

"Yes, I see a small pharmacy. Judging by your lack of communication with me and not picking up your medications, I suspect you are running low. I can have them overnight to you but I will be charging extra. Has your payment information changed?"

"No, it's the same. If it gets rejected, I'll just pay at the counter. Charge whatever. Thank you, Doctor." I muttered before hanging up and throwing the phone of the bed. He would always be one to get under my skin with the slightest of efforts. I gazed out the window, watching the sun retreat from the sky. The fading light still reached through the trees, streaking the sky with soft pinks and oranges.

I stayed there, watching the sun continue its descent, bringing the last of the light with it. Minutes later, the nightfall brought the boys home, their heavy boot sounding on the porch. As usually, they were rugged and tired from a long day of work but they were still upbeat, cracking jokes and messing around. Their laughter filled the house, expelling the cold, and I smiled along with them.

"Faylyn?" Mrs. Somers called? "Are you joining us?

"Yeah, I'll be down." I called back, gazing the the stars through the window.