Path To Restoration (Fighter's Den, #3)

Chapter 34 - Aria

As soon as I close the bathroom door behind me, I fall to my knees and throw up violently into the toilet. The welcome home breakfast Mom spent so long on making for me leaves me in a rush and my stomach clenches painfully, my throat burning like it's on fire. Thank goodness my room is on the second floor of the house so nobody can hear me up here. The last thing I need is questions and to be watched under inquisitive eyes, like I'll break at any given moment. I already spent enough of my years going through that.

I flush the toilet and stand up to wash out my mouth. I brush my teeth then wash my face, stumbling out of my bathroom to flop on to my bed. I grunt in pain when my knee hits the frame and I curls my legs into me so I can fit on the mattress. I forgot how small this bed is. For a girl who's 5'10, this just won't cut it.

I flop on to my back and stare at the ceiling. There's still remnants of the glowing star stickers I put up there years ago. They've peeled off and faded but they're still there. My room is almost exactly the way I left it and I smile at how my parents have maintained it as if I still live here. Their thoughtfulness is just one of the reflections of how amazing they are. I miss them so much when I'm in California but my hatred of Boston usually outweighs that.

I close my eyes and fight the demons threatening to stir up my mind and take me back to the dark place I fought tooth and nail to get out of. I'm glad I came down her for Nate and even more glad I managed to help him keep his son but it came at a cost. The cost of my past. I can almost hear every cry and beg for it to stop, can almost feel every slap and punch and kick, and a shudder rolls through me.

I'm not that girl anymore. I never will be again. I changed for the better. Well, mostly.

My fingers itch to grab another Xanax from my suitcase but I stop myself. I'm becoming way too lenient on them to get me through the day and I already took one a couple of hours earlier before my meeting with the McNeils. At least until I threw it up.

I turn over to my side and hug my pillow tightly. I know I told my family I would move back to Boston but how will I do that when I've only been here less than two days and already feel like I'm suffocating? I thought I could do this.

"Damn." I whisper to no one in particular and wipe the one lone tear on my face.

I grab my phone from my bed stand and dial Lenny's number. I love her for picking up right away.

"Hey! How'd the meeting go, babe?"

"Another successful win. Sent the chicken shit running all over again."

"That's my badass best friend." She whoops and I smile. It fades all to quickly when she solemnly asks, "And how are you feeling? Being back there?"

"Like I'm drowning." I answer honestly. My voice has dropped to a whisper. "I see him everywhere. He's not here but he is here. The smallest noise is making me jump out of my skin and I'm too scared to even walk in my own house."

I hear Lenny curse under her breath before she moves to a place where there's no background noise. "I'm so sorry, babe. I wish I could be there with you."

"It's okay. Better get used to it, right?" I ask wryly.

"Aria, if you're not ready to move back we don't have to. I'm sorry if you felt that I pressured you earlier to change your mind. We can always postpone."

"But for how much longer, Lenny? My entire life is passing by me from all the postponing I've been doing it. I just have to suck it up and get through it. Build a bridge and get over it. Besides, I still have more than half a year to mentally prepare myself. We're not moving until November."