{ #5 } Eclipse Of The Moon (MxM || 18+)

Chapter 14 - Please, God, Help Me...

Eclipse Of The Moon ~ Book 1 of Aaron
Chapter 14
Please, God, Help Me...

⚠️ Warning: The picture in the header says it all. Proceed at your own risk, but know that there aren't many gory details, it's more in the emotions ⚠️

Saturday 12 October 2002

Pain.

Pain is an unpleasant sensation, which can range from mild discomfort to agony. It can be burning, throbbing, and aching. What I feel right now is not agony, but it certainly goes beyond the notions of unpleasant and discomfort.

Physical pain is the result from nerve stimulation, either in a localized area, but it can also be diffuse. It is a type of message sent through the nervous system, and right now, I do get the message. I not only get it, but I also feel it as this thing is ripping me open in a way that shouldn't be so painful.

Mental pain is the result of an emotional distress. It is not supposed to hurt physically, even if your heart aches when it occurs. It has more to do with psychological responses to certain events, things you hear or see and that you don't deal well with. This is something I feel even worse than the physical pain right now. Not only from the humiliation and discomfort, but also from Camden's agonizing screams resulting from his own frustration and helplessness.

Combine both physical and emotional pains together, and I am on the verge of sinking deep into madness.

Why?

Why do I have to experience this?

I suddenly remember what one of my biology teachers once told us in class. The word pain comes from the Latin poena, a fine, a penalty.

Is this God's penance for my sins? Would He go that far? Is this the way He punishes His disciples for their sins?

* * *

1pm.

Why the heck is time so slow today? It's always the same when you wish it would move faster.

Just out of the shower, I towel myself down, put on my briefs and return to my bedroom. There, I lie down on my bed and slip my left hand inside my underwear, thinking about what should be an excellent weekend. I turned 17 two days ago and since it's mid-October, the guys and I are having our usual birthday party this afternoon, and we have agreed to meet at 2:30 at the shack.

I'm not sure our gathering will escalate into naughty fun because we have much more interesting plans for tomorrow, but who knows? We might end up watching porn magazines and jack off while talking about all the things we could do to Danny on Sunday... Mmm... Just thinking about it has me so hard...

I'm such a sinner.

A sin is a transgression of the Law of God. We are all sinners and Jesus died for our sins. He said no one comes to the Father except through me. This is the reason for his birth, death and resurrection. This is the way he provides us, sinful mankind, with a way to Heaven.

I am a multiple sinner.

I have sinned so many times in my short life that it would require another lifetime of penance to redeem my soul and for God to forgive me. It would require another lifetime in purgatory to atone for my sins. I'm not sure Jesus' death is enough for God to forgive me ever.

I have lied. Countless times. Every day. Several times a day. To my friends. To my parents. To Father Joseph. To God.

I am a sinner.