The Stars Around Us

Chapter 51 ×EMMIE×

In the morning, we went home, my lungs were burning a little but it wasn't too bad. Ethan had barely said a word all morning and neither had I. Though it was unusual because he seemed to be in a brooding, thinking mood, as where I was in a "I don't feel so good" mood. When I walked in my house, I went straight upstairs, wanting another nap. I was getting more and more tired lately, but I really needed this nap.

       It felt like I had barely closed my eyes for a few seconds before a knock on the door interrupted my sleep. My bedside clock said that it was already noon. "Come in," I called. Mom stepped in, walking towards me. "Hey, baby," she said softly. "I know that you're tired, but I need you to get up. We gotta get you to chemo." I groaned and sat up.

        My limbs and body felt like they were being weighed down but I knew that I had to get up. I moved slowly to my closet and grabbed a hoodie and then took some ripped black jeans from my dresser. Mom gave me a small smile and left the room. I went and took a quick shower then threw on my clothes. 

        I drove Mom in my car to the hospital where we found the room for chemotherapy. I hesitantly stepped in, glancing back at Mom as she gave me an encouraging nod. 

        It didn't take that long, though I thought that I might have fallen asleep on the table if they kept me there any longer. We waited for my doctor to walk in and tell us about how the chemo is progressing. A few minutes later, the Hispanic woman walked in with a clipboard, her face serious but giving nothing away.

        She sat down on the rolling stool and looked up at us, taking a deep breath. "I'm sorry to have to tell you this," she began. I felt my whole body tense up, waiting for the news she was about to deliver. My hands were visibly shaking and I felt dizzy. "The chemo isn't working anymore. It did a little good a couple days ago, but like the last time she had it, it stopped working. The tumor in her lungs are spreading rapidly and there is nothing more we could do. We could try the chemo again, but it could just make them spread even faster, and I don't that that's a risk we should take."

        I heard a whimper come from my mouth. Tears were falling down my cheeks and the lump in my throat made it even harder to breathe. Spreading tumors means that it's gotten worse, which means that my time is limited. I was able to choke out a question. "How long do I have?" 

        The doctor glanced to my mother who had her head in her hands, her shoulders shaking with sobs. She looked back to me again. "A few more weeks maybe, or longer. It's a little hard to tell at this point, but you don't have much time I'm afraid." I nodded and bit my trembling lip. 

        She stood and placed a hand on my shoulder, giving me an apology and leaving me to cry with Mom. The thing is, I wasn't crying because I was dying. I'm not afraid of death. I'm afraid of leaving the people that I love. I'd never get to see Chloe grow up, graduate, get her first kiss, fall in love, I wouldn't see Asher finally leave this place and do something with his life or get into an engineering program like he's always wanted to. I would be able to have a future with Ethan. Or anyone for that matter.

        I was comforting Mom as she leaned in against me and I wrapped my arms around her small shoulders to hold her and let her cry all over my hoodie. My tears fell silently as I thought about how I would tell Ethan. But maybe I wouldn't tell him. I mean I would, but I'd wait until later when it gets worse. I don't want him to worry about me all the time. I want to spend my time with him and remember those moments as happy and peaceful, not full of worry and helplessness.