Saviour (an Ashley Purdy Love Story)

Chapter 15

"Hello, Ashley," Ricky said calmly. I stayed hidden under the blankets, with the curtain pulled shut, to hide from Ash. I wasn't ready to see him. I'd probably start sobbing.

"Hi, Ricky... I, um... Is Emma here?" he asked awkwardly.

"No, she went to go get some food. But I'll tell her you stopped by, " Ricky lied smoothly.

"Look, I... I know she's in here and I just... I really need to talk to her," his voice cracked and I realized he was crying.

"She's not ready to talk to you, Ashley.. I'm sorry," Ricky said with true sympathy in his voice. Probably because Ash was crying.

"Just give her this," he said, and then I heard footsteps. I thought he was leaving, but apparently he knew where I was.

"No, don't go back there!" Balz said, but it was too late. Ash moved the curtain and pulled the blanket down to uncover me.

I knew it was him, but I didn't see him. I kept my eyes closed. I knew I wouldn't be able to handle seeing him.

"Please, Emma," he pleaded. "Please, look at me... Emma, I love you. Nothing happened, I promise. She was just not feeling good so I took her to the bus and she asked me to stay with her because she thought she was going to get sick, and I didn't want to just leave her by herself. I was insanely drunk, so I just got up in the bunk with her. Please, you have to believe me. I wouldn ever cheat on you, Em. I love you," he whispered,and my eyes shot open.

I looked at his tear stained face. He was practically sobbing now. But I didn't believe him. I couldn't. I hadn't seen anything happen last night, but they were in a bed together. My eyes stung as tears began to form.

My mind was going crazy. I wanted so badly to forgive him and believe him. But I knew that I shouldn't. Not right now, anyways. Not when I couldn't even go an hour without crying over him. Because if I made my decision now, based on how much it hurt to not be with him, I would do the obvious thing and get back together with him. And that was something I needed to think about.

"I'm sorry, I... I love you, too, but..." I said as the tears began to fall. "I can't do this right now," I murmured.

The look in his eyes hurt me so terribly. His face fell and his eyes went blank. He looked... dead.

Ricky put his hand on Ash's shoulder and led him to the door. Ash walked out like a zombie, without another word, and I just stared at the door, with my mouth hanging open and silent tears streamed down my face.

What have I just done?

Ricky turned around to face me, and a sad smile formed on his lips.

And then I just lost it.

"FUCK THIS SHIT, WHY CAN'T I JUST DIE?" I screamed into my pillow as I sobbed into it.

Ricky climbed into the bunk, and I heard the door open. I assumed everyone left so we could be alone. And because they were probably feeling awkward because of how I was acting.

"That woudn't solve anything," Ricky whispered as he ran his fingers through my hair to calm me down.

"It would solve everything for me," I muttered.

He shook his head slowly. "Please don't talk like that," he murmured.

"Why not? It would solve a lot of shit for a lot of people."

"No, it wouldn't. Ash would probably kill himself, and all of us would miss you. BVB, too. We all love you, ya know? You're a great person. We are really glad to be friends with you."

"Yeah, but people missing me and me not having any more problems vs. having to avoid people, and still having all of my problems; hmm, which would I choose? Obviously the first one," I spat at him.

"Seriously, Emma. Please don't talk like that. No one wants you to kill yourself. And I know you don't want to either," he said quietly.

I just sobbed harder. He was right; I didn't want to. But I felt as if that was the only way to get away from all of this.

I heard the curtain move and looked up to see Balz staring at me. Apparently, not everyone had left. "Ricky is right. We'd all miss you so much. You shouldn't talk like that," and then he closed the curtain, walked away, and I heard him leave.

I just stared at the curtain. They were right. Killing myself would just cause way more problems than there already was.

I wiped the tears away and sighed.

"When is your show?" I asked quietly after a few minutes of comfortable silence. I was snuggled up to Ricky and his arms were wrapped around me.

"In 4 hours," he whispered sleepily.

I snuggled deeper into his chest and fell asleep comfortably.