Chapter 19

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After the show, which I stayed on the bus for (in order to stay away from Ashley), all of the boys, except Ricky and Balz came back.

"Where's Ricky?" I asked, and then added, "And Balz?"

"I... I'm actually not sure..." Chris said as he looked around, as if he just realized that they weren't with them.

"Oh shut up, Chris, just tell me," I laughed nervously.

"Dude, we seriously don't know," Ryan said as his face grew worried.

Ghost had already gone outside to check to see if they had just fallen behind, and Angelo was calling Ricky, who didn't answer, so he called Balz, who also didn't answer.

"Neither of them are answering, I wonder--" Angelo began but was cut off by a loud shout somewhere outside.

"What is going on?" Chris wondered aloud as we ran outside.

I heard 2 voices shouting-- 2 very familiar voices.

Ashley and Ricky.

I took off in the direction of the shouting. I could hear footsteps behind me and people shouting at me to stop, but I kept going.

I stopped when I saw what was going on in front of me. Balz was holding an angry Ricky back as he shouted at Ashley and tried to break free of Balz's strong hold.

"You can't just apologize for cheating and expect her to take you back!" Ricky shouted.

Ashley's face dropped but he kept up his angry voice. "I didn't cheat, mother fucker! At least she chose me FIRST!"

"Maybe that's because she hadn't met me yet, you dumb fuck!"

Balz was losing his hold on Ricky.

"STOP IT YOU TWO!" I shouted, and they both stood up straight and looked at me as Balz let go of Ricky and ran over to me.

"You need to go back to the bus," he mumbled to me.

"No, I'm not going anywhere," I shouted. I was not going to let these two seriously fight over me. This was insane! Why were they being so childish? "Please, you two, stop," I begged. I could already feel the tears. My knees were shaking as everything crashed down on me at once. "Just don't do this, just drop it please. For me?"

Ashley's eyes filled with pain and Ricky slowly backed away from me with a horrified expression on his face. "I'm so sorry," he whispered. Then he turned to Ashley. "I'm... I'm sorry, dude. I was just scared of..." he trailed off, then shook his head to clear it. "Truce?"

Ashley had a tear running down his cheek. He quickly wiped it away before sniffling and saying "truce" as he shook Ricky's hand and then took off towards the buses.

"Ashley, wait," I called out shakily. He just shook his head and kept running.

I sat down on the ground and buried my face in my hands as the sobs found their way out of my body.

I could hear the boys talking. They were quietly yelling at Ricky.

"Why would you do that?" Ghost asked.

"You know how she's feeling, why would you even consider doing something that stupid?" Angelo demanded.

"I said I'm sorry! I was just angry.." Ricky explained.

"Well she needs you now, Ricky. We're going back to the bus so you two can be alone.." Chris stated.

"Good luck," Ryan mumbled.

I looked up to see them all retreated to the bus. Balz looked angrily back to Ricky, who was walking towards me.

He sat down next to me and wrapped his arms around me. Even though I was mad, I let him. I put my head on his shoulder as the tears slowed.

"I'm so sorry," he murmured.

"It's okay. That was just... too close."

"I know, and I'm sorry."

I turned my head to kiss him. He smiled sadly at me once I pulled away.

"It's fine," I repeated as I gave him a smile of my own. "Maybe things can start to go back to normal after tour," I mumbled.

"Hopefully," he sighed.

I closed my eyes and just day dreamed of the future. I thought about my future with Ricky, but every few minutes, Ashley would pop up in there. He'd either be in the place of Ricky, or he would interfere with mine and Ricky's relationship.

I didn't realized that I had fallen asleep and that those were actual dreams until I was jolted awake.

I looked around and my eyes found Ricky as my fingers gripped his tight-fitting shirt. "What's going on?" I mumbled sleepily.

"It's okay, you just fell asleep outside. I'm taking you back to the bus. You can go back to sleep," he murmured.

"No, put me down," I strugged out of his hold. "I can walk," I mumbled.

He held me close to his side. "Sure thing, babe." I smiled.

We were soon back to the bus. The lights were off and the boys were all in their bunks, except for Balz, who was asleep on the couch. I giggled.

I ran over to Ricky's bunk and climbed up in it. He followed quickly.

I yawned. "Ready to sleep?" he whispered.

I shook my head no. He raised an eyebrow and I giggled. I quickly pecked him on the nose and he giggled. We went back and forth like this. It reminded me of when Ashley and I had done something similar. I smiled sadly at the memory. I would miss him, sure, but... this was just part of moving on.

Ricky seemed to notice my smile. He frowned. "You okay?"

"Mhmm," I mumbled. He suddenly looked lost in thought. "What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing," he mumbled. "I'm just tired. I'm going to bed. Goodnight, babe," he said in a detached tone.

My heart rate picked up as I started to panic. Oh God, now he's going to leave me, too.

See, that's what happens when you get heartbroken multiple times. You always assume the worst. I decided to just keep quiet and try to sleep.

That night, I had the dream about Ashley, but then, after that one finished, and I woke up in a cold sweat and finally fell back to sleep, I had a similar dream.

Except, it was Ricky who had dumped me, and I was the one who tried committing suicide.

And this time, unlike Ashley in the other dream, I succeeded.

okayyyy sorry that it's been a super long time since I've updated! I know this chapter sucks ass, but it's all I've got for now. Well, I know what's going to happen next, but I needed a filler chapter. Next chapter will be better, I promise, but I'm not sure when it'll be up. So sorry. But thank you all so much for reading! It means a lot (: Love you all <3 thanks again!

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