oblivioni traditæ

Dubium

Tina looked up from her book when she heard a knock echoing through her apartment. Pulling herself to her feet, she made her way over to the door and opened it. Olive grinned back at her.

"Hello, Tina," she greeted cheerfully.

Tina grinned back. "Hi."

She let the young woman into her apartment and began preparing coffee. Olive took a seat at the table and she joined her a moment later with two steaming mugs.

"Thanks," she said. She mixed milk and sugar into her coffee.

They sipped their drinks in silence for a moment. Olive was the first to break it.

"So, did you get everything you need yesterday?" she asked.

Tina nodded. "I think so. Of course, since I don't remember what I was doing before my accident, I don't really know what I do need. I'm kinda just starting over again with less information than I had before. I don't really know what I'm doing."

"Keeping yourself entertained, I suppose."

"That's true," Tina laughed. "I hate just sitting around the house all day. I want to be working, but I don't know enough to do my job yet. I'm just trying to figure out what's going on so I can hopefully work again."

"Well, at least you can do that."

Tina sipped her coffee again, her brows furrowing in a small frown.

"What?" Olive asked.

"I was just thinking about yesterday," she said. "I was in my office and that Auror I was apparently dating came in. You know, Tolliver."

"What did he say?"

"Oh, nothing," Tina said evasively. "He was just being a nuisance. Was he always so annoying?"

Olive shrugged. "I don't know him too well, but Harper says he's difficult to work with."

"I still don't see why I was dating him. I mean, he's handsome, sure, but not as handsome as Newt. And Newt is a much nicer person."

"You're very lucky to have him," Olive said. She gulped down the last of her coffee and got to her feet. "I've got to be at work soon. Are you coming today or are you staying here?"

"I think I'll stay here," Tina said. She was still cradling her mug in her hands, letting the warmth seep through her fingers and up her arms.

"Okay. I'll see you later. Thanks for the coffee."

Olive left and Tina sat back in her chair.

Her frown deepened. The confidence she had felt the day before was weakening. She wasn't sure what was making her doubt Newt her brain was suddenly swirling with questions very similar to the ones Tolliver had asked.

He was just jealous, she tried to tell herself. He just wants me to doubt Newt.

But the questions were still there.

Why would Newt love me? 

He's a famous author. There are so many other, better women he could be with.

Why is he still with me? I don't even remember him.

Does he really love me? Or is it just because he feels like he needs to?

Tina quickly pushed the last thought away. He has no obligation to love me. I don't even remember him.

But the doubt still remained with her through the whole day, sitting like a weight in the pit of her stomach. She tried to get back to work but it was impossible to focus. 

After several hours of attempting to do work, she gave up. She had read the same sentence seven times and still had no idea what it said. Letting out a sigh, she pushed her papers to one side and made herself something to eat. Then she made herself another cup of coffee and settled on the couch with a book.

She managed to get through a few chapters before the doubts came back again in full force.

"It's stupid," she muttered. "I know he loves me. Why am I thinking he doesn't? I shouldn't be letting that idiot, Tolliver, get to me."

But the doubts still lingered. Olive came to check in on her in the evening and she offered a smile, trying to trick herself into feeling that everything was okay. 

By the time Olive left, she had almost forgotten her doubts. However, when she climbed into bed, they returned, making it almost impossible to sleep.

The next few days seemed to crawl by. Tina considered telling Olive how she felt, but she always managed to talk herself out of it. She knew she was overreacting, but she couldn't stop the feeling of helplessness that gnawed at her.

What if he is just using me? she wondered as she tried to fall asleep one night. What if he is just taking advantage of the fact I can't remember him?

A/N: I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Please vote and comment.

The title of this chapter is "Dubium" which means "doubt".

AND I'M BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, at least for today. I had a random spike of motivation just before 10:00 pm and knew if I didn't write this chapter then, it would never happen. I think the motivation came from the Christmas music I'm listening to. I hate myself for letting it be only 700 ish words because I really wanted all the chapters in this book to be 2000+ words but, hey, IT'S A CHAPTER!!!!

Okay, I hope you enjoyed the angst. It'll be over in the next chapter, whenever that ends up getting written.

But I told you I wasn't abandoning this. Ha!

(Also, I think you'll like the chapter after the next one.)

*winks*

I feel bad for teasing you. I have no idea when these chapters will get written. Pray for the best.

Lol. This author's note is almost longer than the chapter.

Have a good day, everyone!

Byeeeeeeeee!!!!!!

Written December 2, 2019.