𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄 𝐌𝐀𝐍! | harry styles

𝐗𝐈𝐈𝐈

September 20, 2009

Dearest Bella,

Of course I'll forgive you. How could I not? I know you weren't trying to hurt me. You're not that type of person. We are still getting to know each other, and I appreciate that you're comfortable enough to joke with me. It takes a lot of weight off my situation.

I received your post card. Are the beaches in Florida really that beautiful? The only time I've seen the ocean is here. It's nice that you get to spend time with your mother. I'm happy for you. I hope you're having fun and wearing sunscreen. You said you didn't like being orange, but somehow I don't think red is a better alternative. Just remember you don't need to be tan to be beautiful to me. Will you tell me about the trip? Where did you go? What did you do?

At the risk of sounding like a crazed convict who's lost his mind, I swear I can sense your absence. I feel different somehow. I wonder if I would have felt this way had you not told me you were leaving.

Your last letter left me speechless. I've always known you were writing because you wanted to, but to know that you wanted to write me, to know you think of me and look forward to hearing from me . . . like I said, speechless. And let me assure you, you have made a difference in my life. You make me feel like I matter, like I'm a human again. To know there's at least one person out there who cares if I succeed makes such a big difference. I'm glad you followed your instincts.

In the past few weeks, I've allowed myself to focus more on getting out. I think it might be a good idea to get a bike. It will be a while before I can afford a vehicle, and I really don't want to rely on public transportation if I don't have to. I've been on someone else's schedule long enough. This is really random, but I want to cook something. My mother was a great cook. She was always creating something new in the kitchen. Is that something you like to do? Any super-secret recipes you'd like to share? My lips are sealed.

I hope I didn't offend you when I said not to help me. It's not that I don't want your help. I just don't want to impose. I'm used to keeping people at arm's length. Please understand that. This is all new to me. As for your concern about my safety, thank you. It's easier to get through the day knowing someone cares. I'm not sheltering you from my past. I want to tell you, but I'm not ready. Please be patient with me.

Let me end this letter by wishing you a very happy birthday. I'm enclosing four pages of sheet music. It's something I wrote for you. It represents what you mean to me. I apologize if it's late, but when I asked when your birthday was, I didn't expect it to be so soon. I figured since you were out of town anyway I'd take my time and make it perfect. I wish I could give you more, but this is the only thing I have. Maybe someday you'll let me play it for you.

Good luck this semester. Don't forget about me.

Your inside man,
Harry

p.s. How far did you make it before you read this?