𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄 𝐌𝐀𝐍! | harry styles

𝐗𝐕

October 14, 2009

Dear Bella,

I'm thrilled that you liked the sheet music. I was worried you'd think it was silly. You're right, I did put a lot of effort into it. I poured my heart and soul into every note. What better way to spend my time? I'm just happy to be able to do something for someone else. It's a refreshing change.

You had me going with the Funfetti recipe. Such a tease. Cocky little thing, too, aren't you? Well, if you're so convinced that I'd be great in the kitchen, I'd love to give your strawberry pie recipe a go. But that means you'll have to be there to judge it or else how will I know if it's a success? I'm sure you're not as bad at cooking as you think you are. I'd smile and pretend to like anything you made.

I'll add Florida to my list of places to go, but I have a feeling it's a long way off. It sounds like you had fun. I'm sorry you got a sunburn. Why do you think I'd be mad? I know what it's like to be stuck inside feeling miserable when you'd rather be doing anything else.

I've been debating whether to tell you this. I don't want to burden you with my problems, but I'm trying to be better at communicating, so here goes. The past few weeks have been rough. I've been really down. I'm worried about my parole application. Losing sleep over it actually. The parole board is supposed to notify me in writing once a decision has been made. I should receive it sometime in the next six weeks. I feel like I'm going to have an anxiety attack during every mail call. If they deny me, I'm not sure that I'm ready to find out. I honestly don't know how I'll handle it. There are so many things I've dreamed of doing next year. I can't bear the thought of being stuck here any longer, not when I'm this close. And to top it all off, someone stole my good pair of shoes, and by good, I mean the pair with the least amount of holes. I have just enough money to replace them, but if I do get out, I'm going to need it for other things, like existing. I'll just have to avoid puddles until I know for sure what my future holds.

Time, Bella, please. Time is all I need. You may be confident that knowing my past won't change anything, but I'm not. I'm terrified to tell you. I can only deal with so much stress at once. Let me hold on to this feeling of security a little while longer. It's the only thing that's going good for me lately.

Thank you for offering to help. I'm going to wait until I think of something I really need. No sense in wasting my request on something lame like smuggling in frosting.

Good luck this semester. The hard work will pay off, and I'm sure you'll do great. On the bright side, with only two classes this spring, you'll have plenty of free time to write if I'm still here.

Your friend on the inside who really, really wants to be on the outside,
Harry

p.s. Do you think someday we could be real friends?