Lust Actually

Chapter 30

Gin's POV continuation..

I got home like shit. The eye maskara were smudged all over my face.. My swollen eyes made me look like I was bitten by the bees. My heart was dying slowly. My love for him still overpower the hatred i must feel. I didn't kill someone to be punished by this. Why can't I hate him? Why am i loving him so bad that it rips off my whole identity.

I cried and cried like it's the end of the world. Nanay's been calling my phone as well as Liz. From my state? I'll just make them worried and rushed here.

Dustin been sending me messages too but i prefer to ignore it.. His loyalty will always be with Ashton. I can't trust him.

Can I still hold on?
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Last night was a pure hell. I decided to take a leave from work. I pampered myself with a gallon of ice cream and all the sweets from the candy store. I even called a home service for thai massage and gather myself a dozen of dvd's. The whole apartment were filled of gun shots and action sounds. For a broken hearted? Im a weird one..

Speaking of..

"Babe.. Where were you?!" i put Jen in speaker mode..

"At home.. Why?" i didn't bother to lessen the sounds of the movie though. I just lay at my bed lazily, sorrounded by cans of soda and peel of chocolates and brownies.

"My God! What have you been up to? You're not even answering calls and messages. Are you okay? And can you mellow down the sounds please?"

"Hey, I'm good. Im still alive. You know me, Jen." knowing Jenny, she's going to dig deeper and deeper just to make you confess. And I can't right now.

"Are you sure? You know I'll be there when you want me."

"Yeah.. I know and thank you. But i'll get this done once and for all." i assuringly said

"Alright then. And please call Tita.. She's just too worried that they're imagining some morbid scenes." i laugh it out

"I will.. Kisses" and i hang up.. And called Nanay. They were hysterics too but I managed to calmed them.
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I got up alright the next morning. I still need to report to work and maybe have myself be transfer to HR Department. Three months of working at CEO's office feels like years. The flirting and sex we had feels like just yesterday. I can still hear his heartbeats and his afterbath scents still lingers my mind. I missed him. I grab my bag before i get emotional again.

I talked with the HR if how can I process my transfer since I already had a replacement. The HR immediately prepares a transfer paper for approval and advised me to call them on Monday. I still wanted to work here but enough distance from Ashton. If he needed space, i'll distance myself. I'm a woman with a sense of man's pride. I'm already drawn and I don't know if I'd be able to get up again.

The new secretary and I didn't get along too well. We're not alike and i avoided getting attached to her. Janice was enough. Though we haven't talked since.

I started packing up at 6:30 still expectant to see Ashton. I'm already at a lobby when I saw a female employees all over their phone. What's with the fuss?

"Is this even true? They already broke up 2 years ago right?"

"Yes. The nerve of that woman! Leaving Mr. Lorenzo and get back like nothing happened."

I heard them murmuring about Ashton. I checked with my phone.

Ashton's face all over the internet. He's with the same woman. That Trixie, the ex. They were so engrossed looking at each other while Ashton's arms snaking around Trixie's waist. They've been branded as a go back couple too. Oh hell! That little hope i had, it pop out like a balloon. I thought...

Yeah. This is really great, Lord. You really made me the loneliest woman on earth.

Now, I'm done. Done with everything about him. I didn't know that chasing a man will make me stoop this low. If my cousins and my family would get to know what I'm really doing here in Manila, they're going to kick my ass outta here.

Damn him!

I find myself looking at the electronic signage just above my head. I didn't take heed even if it's too dangerous for a woman entering alone the gay bar. I shoved my hair and get inside. Let's do this once. Not done exploring yet Izygn?

This is what I want. Different people, different environment. I paid one whole table for me. The almost naked guys starting to dance in front of me. I just looked at them while I was leaning at the couch sipping the whiskey. Foreigners were looking at me intently while I was busy tipping a thousand to the guy dancers. I already consumed one bottle of whiskey and ordered another one.

"What the fuck are you doing here, Gin??" Dustin grabs my arm tightly. I shrugged it off. God! Dustin again.. What's with thus guy really? He's a living GPS that can track me wherever I go.

"Oh, Dustin. What's up? You're here! What were you doing here? Are you gay?" I laugh and laughs like it's the most joke I ever know.

"Fuck! Let's go, you're drunk," he said while shoving away the dancers. He holds both my shoulders carefully to avoid us hit someone. He then put me inside his car.

"How I wish I've met you first Dust. And not your asshole cousin. Where were you hiding that time?" i ask touching his face. He chuckles.

"Me too, Gin. Me too. Come on.. Let's get you out of here."

"Shit dude. She's been drinking in the gay bar. She dozed off. Get your ass there and come to my place." I heard him say before I blackout.