vengeance

paranoia Part 25

Jahseh POV:

I woke up on Jaylani's couch, she wanted me to stay last night because she didn't feel safe, with all the texts she was getting I wouldn't either. I fell asleep playing kingdom heart, me and Stoke would play for hours until we both passed out. I grabbed my phone, it was 9:36 am and Lani wasn't awake yet. I saw my screensaver was me and Stoke, shit I almost forgot he was in the hospital I'm so selfish. I got up and went to the bathroom and splashed some water on my face did my business and brushed my teeth. Stoke alway had extra tooth brushes cause his bitch ass always had females over, he actually got one of them pregnant doesn't claim it but still pays for child support. He was rich and knew he was too busy with his music career to claim it, never even met it but he was rich and could spare a few thousand dollars a month. 

I grabbed my keys and went outside, the smell of fresh cut grass hit my nose like a grenade. I got in my car and nuke town started playing (this takes place in current time -author) I sang along and started getting in a good mood. I stopped at dunkin donuts and got an iced chai, it was right next to the hospital so why not? That also meant it was right by my house. The hospital and dunkin donuts shared a parking lot so I decided to just walk.

 I checked in and sat in the waiting room for 5 minutes before a female doctor came out, Mr J- she hesitated Jahseh Onfroy? She stuttered. I looked up, holy fuck it was Cinthia. She looked up and her jaw dropped, well um right this way, she said and turned away. What. The. Fuck. This isn't happening, I thought. I followed her to a room that I thought was Stokes' but when she opened the door it was a closet. Before I could say something or even think she pulled me in and smashed my back against the wall and started kissing me. I pushed her back and she fell into a pile of broken down cardboard boxes. 

What the fuck do you think you're doing? I said. She looked so confused and innocent. Um, well I missed you I don't know I thought... What? That I would see you again and fuck you? Nah, I changed, you hurt me really bad Cinthia. One thing I never told Lani was that before Geneva there was Cinthia, we would sneak out and be bad little 12 year olds. 

We were kinda serious she was like my best friend until we kissed and I ended up giving her hickeys and kinda fingering her. I say kind of because I didn't know what the fuck I was doing and she didn't like it so I stopped. We were inseparable, but then I came into her cabin room one day and she was giving some kid a hand job, she was 14 I was 12 and she was a freak but I had no idea what sex was, I mean I did but I was 12 in the early 2000's, no kids knew that shit now all these kids are like sex slaves at 10 intentionally. 

Unlike other kids I'd been there so long I never got to learn about sex and all that shit so after that I tried understanding and I watched lots of blue movies until I finally got it. I broke up with her and she was really sad, then I met Geneva and you know the rest. 

Jahseh I'm sorry... But that was the past! And this is the future and I we try we can be together, and be happy... She yelled as I tried to leave. I fucked her a few times right after Geneva and I broke up, I found her instagram and she glowed the fuck up. She got attached and I didn't care, Geneva turned me ice cold and gave me a huge ego in some ways but also lowered it in some ways. She made me selfish and oblivious to everything else in the world, until I met Lani. 

But I love you Jahseh, she said. Nah, you just love the dagger,I said then I walked out and closed the door leaving her in the closet. 

>

I eventually found Stokeley's room, I took a deep breath and walked in. My heart dropped, I loved Stoke more than anything, he was always there for me and I don't know what I'd do without him. Seeing him there made me question my whole fucking entire existence. "That should be you" "he will DIE because of you Jahseh" "Your fault" "If you didn't fuck that girl then he wouldn't be here" "you should die not him!" The voices piled up. SHUT UP! I yelled. A nurse barged in, what's going on what's wrong? She exclaimed out of breath. Um, n-nothing, I stuttered. She tilted her head and slowly hesitantly boded her head walking out with her eyes glued on me. I walked up to Stokeley's unconscious body and squeezed his hand. "Your gonna be alright, I got you, I said and squeezed his hand. 

>>

I sat on my bean bag chain with my beats on and listened to Jocelyn Flores, she was a girl I knew and I saw her posting some sad shit on her instagram and got worried, she was very beautiful and my old manager Bruno knew a modeling agency. I flew her out to Florida and took her and some other girls to lunch, breakfast, and dinner all on me. I wasn't fucking them just wanted to do something nice. She got into some stupid drama with one of the other girls so I made her leave because she started the argument and booked her a different hotel, it was nice just moved her away from this opportunity and the other girl. She ended up killing herself, everyday I think; if you didn't do that shit that wouldn't have happened. People try and cheer me up but my demons still get to me. 

The song ended and Ayala came on, it was Genevas last name and the song was about how she showed me fake love and how she scarred me. Next, I said and double tapped the b Button on my headphones to skip the song. Ice hotel came on, "shit" I said out loud. I gotta tell Jaylani about what happened. It might hurt her, but it's not my fault.