my heart bleeds.

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Currently listening to when the party's over :( 

Lmao, I just rewrote this whole chapter bc I made it so she could move shit w her mind, then I realized it was dumb so I deleted like 600 words. r.i.p me.

Jaylani POV:

"Get out" I said calmly Stokeley looked at me confused "What" his voice broke as he spoke. 

"Did I stutter?" I asked rhetorically, clenching my jaw. "Look, I know I sound like the bad guy in this, but I just want to make it easier so you don't get hurt by Jahseh. Please just talk to him" Stokeley said calmly trying to avoid an argument, or triggering my anger. I was starting to break more and more, doubting myself again. Before I could say something he walked out of the room.   

Jahseh POV: I laid in bed in the dark, I didn't know what time it was my phone had been died for hours but I didn't care. I made the worst mistake, and it kills me because I can NEVER take it back. It wasn't even my fault, I was being reckless by going to that party, when I could've stayed home with the girl I was slowly falling for. 

Thoughts flooded my mind. "She will never forgive you" "Just die" "Man whore" "She never liked you" "Jaylani "Jaylani" "Jaylani" "Jaylani" "Jaylani "Jaylani "JAYLANI" "JAYLANI" "JAYLANI" "JAYLANI." Her name replayed in my head over and over again, making me hurt more. A tear rolled down my cheek. I pulled my legs up to my chest and wrapped my arms around my legs gasping for air as I was internally being ripped apart. I wanted to die, I wanted her. 


>>>>>>>>>

Jaylani POV:

It's been 4 days since I talked to Jahseh but it seemed like it's been 4 years. I hated Jahseh, but he was like my drug, I craved his presence, and I wanted to just be in sight of him, but I also didn't even want to be on the same planet as him. Stokeley and I made up so I was cool with being around him, but I didn't talk to him as much as normal. 

Stokeley and I pulled up to the school and he put the car in park. I kind of sat there as he stared out the windshield waiting for me to get out. 

"Listen," Stokeley started. "I know you've missed a lot of school, and that you hate me for making you go back but it's mandatory. And I want you to have an ACTUAL job, not selling drugs," Stokeley said. 

"But you dropped out of school and look at you now" I said. He looked at me with a "bitch what the fuck" look. "So you're thinking about dropping out?" He asked in a stupid tone. "I'm 17..." I said quietly, slurring the last part. "I don't care, you're not gonna be like me you can't. I knew you shouldn't have came here, I gave you the wrong idea" He said. My heart broke. "S-so you don't want me here?" I stuttered. "No, that's not what I meant. I meant-" I got out of the car wiping my eyes. I slammed the car door and didn't turn back. 

I pulled my hood up (I was wearing a black hoodie) I looked down so no one could see my face, or the tears pouring from my eyes.

 I bumped into someone suddenly. Sorry, sorry, sorry, I said repeatedly. I looked up, to see Jahseh standing in front of me. His eyes were red and swollen, his eyes looked dead, no emotion to his face at all. He had on nike slides, his revenge hoodie and black jeans. I couldn't stop staring at his face, he dyed his hair grey and shaved off his eyebrows, he looked like a whole new person.

 I tried to walk away bet he grabbed my shoulder pulling me to face him. "What's wrong" He said in a raspy voice. His voice sent shivers down my spine, I missed hearing it. I tried to remove myself from his grip but he had a strong hold on me. "Jaylani" He said desperately. "Get the fuck away from me" I said. Those words coming from my mouth made everything build up, I felt more tears swell up in my eyes. I pried his hand off of me, his skin was warm I fought the urge to hold onto him and never let go. I felt eyes on me, and saw everyone staring . I walked away not looking back, if I saw him one more time in that moment I would break down. 

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