Bucky One-Shots and Imagines

Battlescars

TW: R*PE, please don't read this chapter if things like this make you feel uneasy, but just know you're not in this alone!! as a survivor myself, I'm here for you, we'll get through this together I promise.

Please don't hesitate to dm me if you ever need advice or help, I'm here for everyone and anyone<3

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Bucky usually stayed quiet during the team's arguments. They'd usually arise when all of you were crowded around the TV, trying to figure out what to watch. You'd usually participate in only distant yells or votings but other than that, you'd lay on the very large recliner, cradling Bucky in your arms who'd rest his head on your lap. He liked having your fingers running through his hair.

He was usually so tranquil, so unbothered by the chaos around him. He'd formed a knack for blocking out unnecessary sound, something you guessed he picked up after all the years of torture and mind-control.

So it came as a big surprise when he suddenly shot up, cheeks blazing red, mouth set in a sneer as he said the following, "You don't know shit, shut the fuck up,"

You hadn't really been concentrating on what was going on and it took you a while to locate who this abrupt statement had been directed at.

Joe's eyes widened and you could tell his breathing had picked up. He was a new recruit, who the team had taken a liking to even though he was a bit of a jackass sometimes. They just didn't know he could be THIS big of a jackass.

In that moment Joe seemed so much smaller than Bucky even though he was only shorter by a few inches. Perhaps it was the fear that flitted through his eyes, though all his other facial features made no effort to convey the same, or the way Bucky was standing, arms crossed in all their rugged glory. Joe was fairly well built, built enough to square anyone up but Bucky. The rage in Bucky's eyes, the posture, the way he held himself reminded Joe of why this guy was once the deadliest assassin in the world and still could be if he hadn't quit the business.

Joe could feel himself slump away but he wouldn't stand down and instead guarded his fort like the douchebag he was. Raising his chin a little higher so his eyes met with Bucky's completely, he shrugged and repeated his previous statement.

"I said what I said, harassment is a two-way street, maybe the person getting harassed should've looked out for themselves more,"

You felt anger seep into your body and were about to stand up to join when a deafening crunch sound froze you in your place, followed by a muffled thud.

Bucky pulled his fist back, surveying his knuckles before cursing under his breath and storming away. You looked at Joe, sprawled on the floor, clutching his nose in agony while everyone else looked around in search of what to do. You looked at them expectantly and they all shrugged, as if to say, 'he kinda had it coming you know.'

You shook your head slowly as you remembered Bucky storming out and got up, signaling for Tony to make sure Joe was cleaned up and kicked out of the facility. You didn't really have to explain why, so everyone else got to work as you made your way upstairs. You knew Bucky would be there, curled up in the little canopy you both had set up in the balcony of your shared room.

It's where he always went when he was feeling stressed. You pressed your thumb to the scanner and opened your door, stepping in before making your way to the balcony. The door was already open, aiding to your previous theory.
You poked your head into the canopy, just to check in on Bucky. Surely enough he was seated amidst the mass amount of blankets and pillows, eyes closed and head against the wall. You decided that he probably wanted to be alone, which was valid and you took your leave until he called out for you.

You once again popped your head in to which Bucky gestured for you to come inside. As you crawled in and sat down, he snuggled into your lap, wrapping his arms around your waist. You gently slid so you were laying down and placed your arms around his broad shoulders, holding him to your chest. He breathed out a deep sigh.

"Bucky?"

"Mhm,"

"Are you alright?"

Another deep breath, this one shakier.
"No,"

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

A small silence passed, in which both of you were left alone with your thoughts to go over what could possibly happen next. The air outside was cool, but not harsh, rather inviting and refreshing like a welcoming breeze.

"Yeah, yeah I want to talk about it,"

You nodded your head, turning to face him, and sat up as he did, taking his hand in yours and giving him a reassuring smile.

"When I was in Hydra, they did a lot of stuff to me, stuff that I can't remember well, stuff that I remember too well and stuff that I've promised to keep locked away," He began, and you could practically hear the way his heart was thundering in his chest.

"Some of the stuff that I promised myself I'd keep locked away was the worst of everything, the parts where I'd feel in zero control of my body or who I was, like I had no right to my own life,"

"The times I felt most violated, the most helpless,"

"There were multiple times where these violations crossed a personal border, and I was taken hostage into an act that I didn't wish to commit against my own will. Sometimes I was asleep, sometimes I would be awake but it didn't matter. It was an inevitable thing, a moment that was bound to happen and I had no means of preventing it,"

"Sometimes it was men, sometimes it was women, either way it didn't matter. I wasn't in control of my own body. My body now belonged to someone else. Multiple someone else's, and I had no voice against it,"

You felt tears begin to trickle down your cheeks and you realized you'd started crying. Bucky's own cheeks were also wet with tears, glistening in the moonlight that seeped through the cracks in the canopy.

"Bucky," you looked at him, concerned, "Why didn't you tell me this earlier?"

He looks away, not meeting your eyes. You gently thumb his palm, and reassuringly squeeze his hand again. He breathes in a deep sigh, and then relaxes his tense shoulders.

"I was scared, I didn't want to confront the truth. I didn't want to confront the fact that I was once a victim to atrocities like this. I didn't wanna stay labeled a victim, I wanted to forget the past and move on with my life,"

"But when Joe brought up how it's a two way street I couldn't control myself. There is no two way street, it's always one road that the harasser themself takes and the victim is just an innocent bystander they kidnap along the way. I had no voice in what was going on. I had no control, no way to defend myself. I belonged completely to them and that's how every single survivor feels once they're violated and I guess something in me just snapped,"

You gently wrap your arms around him, cradling him to your chest, "I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that baby, if I would've know I swear I would've bashed the bastard's face in before he-

"I know, doll, I know," He looks up at you, and smiles through the tears that have rolled feverishly down his cheeks, reaching up a hand to cup your jaw, "It's alright though, as long as you're with me I feel safe,"

You frowned, tracing your fingers through his hair, "I love you so much, and if you ever need to talk to me about these things know that I'm always here to listen,"

"I know," He repeats letting out a deep breath, "I know,"