I. L'instant [H.S]

XVII

Two weeks and not a single word from him.

I think it's safe to say our friendship is officially dead. I'm not surprised but still I feel like I should do something about it, that even though I've texted him to know if we could meet up and talk about what happened only to get no answer back, something tells me I should just go to his place and see if there's a way we could work it out.

A part of me is screaming just how stupid I am, because he was a dickhead for no reason and I shouldn't be the one trying to make amends, but then I know Harry, his mercurial mood, his harsh words and just how much he can say without actually mean it. He used to be always there, always around, we could barely spend a couple of days without seeing each other only to have the next five doing whatever we could think of, just to spend time together.

I know we could never go back to that, specifically, because three years have passed, because the trust and the confidence isn't the same. There's also the fact that I am now in a relationship, that I can't just simply spend my days with Harry when there's Joe waiting for me to get home. There must be someone for Harry too, maybe Jules or just one of the random girls he meets and hooks up with.

There's then the fact that for the last two weeks I've dreading seeing any of my friends.

After my talk with Alex, I realised just how foolish of me it was to tell him about why I invited Harry to the anniversary party, how Joe practically stood me up but then I spent the night at Harry's place so I was the one asking for forgiveness the next morning.

Alex isn't one to judge, in the slightless, but still I feel like I shouldn't have shared so much about how messed up my personal life has gotten and just how much Joe has failed to keep his word and try to share a day with me without any of his many friends, projects or plans interfering. Alex told me I really should talk about it all with Joe, that I need to sort things out and lay some rules so he knows I won't stand if he fails on me again.

But I really don't feel morally strong or confident enough to tell Joe about what I want or expect from him when I've lied and even went as far as to ask my brother to cover up for me.

The truth is, I need someone to talk to, someone that won't think I'm a mess and will simply listen and tell me the truth, be honest and speak without fearing what I'd think or if their words will hurt my feelings.

I need Harry.

The last time I went as far as to tell him a bit of what was going on in my head, he was straightforward, he said what he thought without caring for what I'd think of it. Granted, I got mad, but I feel like that's what I need, someone crude, blunt, even if it's brutally so.

"Joe?" I tap softly on the door, he's been jamming and recording for a while now.

When it's clear he isn't responding, I open the door. He's got headphones on and is in deep though shuffling through the editing program on his laptop. John and Andrea are supposed to come for dinner, I guess they got back together and are marrying after all.

I would much rather spend Saturday night out with Joe or simply reading in my baggiest clothes, but I couldn't say no when he asked.

The moment I step into the room, he turns to face me. "Hey! Baby! Check it out!"

Waving for me to sit on his legs, I comply and keep silent while he clicks on something.

Suddenly, the voice of Joe followed by keyboards and a distorted guitar echo through the room. His tone is clear and calm, the reflection of his persona, he sings softly but confidently, the beat of the drums follows and soon the whole song comes together.