I. L'instant [H.S]

XX

It was late, but he finally came back.

The first thing to come up to my head was to ask him where he hell he'd been, but the moment I saw the grim expression on his face, I knew something was wrong.

His usual bright eyes and cheeky smile weren't there, his shoulders sagged and his hair was tamed back, he should've ran his hands through it at least a thousand times to have it that way.

"What is it?" I whispered through the darkness. "Joe? Baby? What happened?"

He looked up and as soon as he locked eyes with me, he started crying. "He.. he's gone."

My heart hammered harshly against my chest. I couldn't understand his words but then he'd been out with his friends, they were suppose to have taken a road trip to one of John's friends cottages for the whole day. What was he talking about? The idea that something might have happened to John made me sick.

"Baby.." I ventured, holding him against my lap. "What is it? What happened?"

His sobs were low and muffled out by my legs. "I should've known.. we should've been there.."

Panic started to rise up my throat. "Joe, please tell me what's going on? What are you talking about?"

I lifted him slightly, trying to look for his face. When he stood up, I could see he was beyond broken, there was something eating him alive but was too hard for him to speak up about.

After a while, he finally told me. One of his friends, Fred, had killed himself.

At first I was confused because I couldn't place him among the tons of friends Joe had, but then, as he started to elaborate, I realised Fred was one of the first people to ever help him popularise his band. He got Joe and his band mates gigs at crowded bars, he introduced him to the guy who'd later help them record their first EP and even gave Joe room in his flat for a few weeks when he got kicked out of his own, this was all before we've met.

Joe thought that Fred's suicide was his fault, that he should've known his friend was going through a dark time, that he should've helped him instead of focusing too much on his own stuff.

It took him a while to move on, to stop blaming himself, but he did some quite bad things in the process. He didn't sleep much, failed to attend some of his gigs and then cheated on me when he finally got to start playing again.

I'd like to say I forgave him because of my good heart but I did it mostly because I knew how much of a mess he was in. I knew he needed me and even though it killed me to know he'd been with someone else behind my back, I also couldn't bring myself to leave him on his own. I loved him too much to bear with the burden if something were to happen to him if I left.

Joe's good. He's kind and sweet, he's funny and likes to make everyone happy. I know he's missed on some things but I also know he's tried to be there for me at all times, to take care of me and show me how much he loves me. I know he misses his family back in the US but he's never tried to make me feel bad about it, always telling me he'll go visit on the holidays to then stay with me and spent them with me and my family.

Joe loves me. He really does.

And here I am, on the brink of moaning Harry's name as he presses me against the sink, flushing our bodies together and making me loose every single bit of self control in the process.

"No.." I say against his lips. "Harry.. no."

He stops altogether but keeps his hands on my waist. "Why?"

His eyes bore into mine, their usual emerald colour has changed into something darker, his lips are swollen and if this wasn't completely and utterly wrong, I'd bite into one. "We.. we can't do this."