I. L'instant [H.S]

LXVII

The air's too cold but I don't give a fuck.

Harry's heavy footsteps follow me behind as I turn right on the first corner I come across, wishing this would be over already or I wasn't feeling so damn mad about the way he clearly is trying to avoid telling me who he married. What pisses me off the most is that he thinks he can talk to me as if I was the impossible when he's the one giving me half-answers.

"Emilia, for fuck's sake.." he growls as I reach the next street. "Would you come here?"

I don't even answer and keep on walking but soon I realise there's no way I could make it back to work, not like this. Harry's denial to tell me the truth is going to pester my brain and turn me useless for the rest of the day. I need to sort this out, now. When a small alleyway makes its way into sight, I get into it. There's trash bags and a very sleepy dog in it, but I don't care.

As soon as Harry walks in it, I speak. "Why won't you tell me?"

He rolls his eyes, flexing his jaw. "Why the urge to know? I thought you didn't even like marriage? What does it matter if I married someone before, Emilia?"

"That's not the point!" I shout, feeling like my words are bouncing off of his thick skull. "I don't want to know because I'm jealous or because it makes me sad you've already been married!" I scoff. "I don't give a shit about that! I don't want to get married! Ever!"

His eyes grow darker, his lips thinner. "Got it. So what's the fuss with this then? Why are you making such a fucking scene out of nothing?"

"Because I want to know and the fact that you won't tell me it's fucking bothering me, alright?" I sing, laughing sarcastically. "God! You're so full of shit!"

"Emilia." he presses, taking a couple steps closer to me.

"You are!" I carry on. "You told me, when we met, that you didn't believe in marriage either, and then there you are! Fleeing the country to marry god-knows-who!" I wave up in the air. "Were any of the things you said back then true?" I laugh off. "Or were they just ways for you to impress me?"

"What?" He shakes his head, getting even closer. "Emilia, you're mad. You don't mean that." he presses, running both of his hands through his hair. "You know how's it been between us, from the start."

"No, you left." I state. "You left and that's all that matters. You left me without saying a word."

"That has nothing to do with you." he whispers, now a single step from me. "Emilia, I left because I had to."

"But you won't tell me why." I shake my head, looking away. "That's not fair."

My anger is quickly faltering, transforming into hurt when I see the way he's looking at me, as if I was something fragile. "Emilia, please." he calls a bit less harshly. "I know I have to explain, and I will."

"You won't." I shake my head, staring back into his eyes. "You won't because I forget! I forget about things that should concern me, when I'm with you everything seems easy and natural-"

"Because it is!" he shouts. "You and I, what we have, how I feel about you and the way you make me happy -so happy, it's like none of the bad shit that's happened in my life matters." he carries on, placing one of his hands on my waist. "Emilia, for fuck's sake.. You're everything to me!"

I watch him intently, trying to figure out if he's just telling me what I want to hear or if he really means it, not because I'm mad at him, but because that's just the way he feels. I know Eric didn't mean any harm by his comment, and I get it, but realising just how.. up in the clouds I've been as to ignore something as important as who his ex-wife is, it just baffles me. I've never been this naive, this out of touch with the reality and what it could mean, not in a very long time. It's too frightening, knowing he has that kind of pull over me, body, mind and soul.