The hidden truth of Number 11. (I am number four)

Chapter 22

I peer over to Marina; she gives me her heart warming smile in response, her smile almost always leaves any viewer happy, I look around the small car, focusing in on every individual, Six’s serious yet smirking smile matching perfectly with her dyed blonde, wavy hair that cascades down her shoulders, her grey eyes defining her beauty. I move over to Nine, long black hair flowing down to his neck area rubbing against his masculine jaw, hazel eyes that almost appear brown, giving him a dangerous, serious expression. Nate’s soft, thoughtful expression towards me, but never to anyone else.

I hear a horn sound from behind my back, facing the window. Almost instantly the car is turned upside down, tumbling and rolling on impact. Bits of glass and junk that has been launched through the rolling car scrapes my flesh.

Something sharp sticks through my left shoulder, piercing the skin, I scream in pain reaching back towards my shoulder as the car leans on its side, eventually slamming to the ground with a jerking thump. My hand covered in hot blood, it’s impossible to see the skin on my palm because there is so much red. My vision fades, darkness appearing on the outskirts of my vision. Going in and out of consciousness from the amount of blood that must have already poured out of my shoulder. I feel a warm sensation cross my body as I finally lose consciousness.

I don’t know if I was saved or rescued from the wreckage, I just hope that Nate and the others are safe.  Memories flood my mind. The last memory I have of Nate before he left me. We were still young, it’s hard for me to remember because I was so scared, like I understand he wanted to find them, I didn’t think I was ready though. I don’t really say this to anyone because for the last few years I’ve just been trying to block it out, and I did for a while, for a long time, I actually forgot about it, but right now it’s playing through my head.

He left, he didn’t say goodbye, he just left, we had spoke about leaving the day before, he wanted to go find the others as soon as possible but I didn’t think we were ready; we had an argument that ended with doors slamming and yelling. The next morning I woke up, he was gone, nowhere to be found, like he had vanished into thin air, just like my parents had the night of the invasion. I shut it out, I shut him out.

Pain enveloped my head for a long time in those days, loneliness, betrayal, abandonment; he had left me by myself to deal with everything alone. Deal with changes in life like the new legacies, I was alone, I knew no one in my position, no one to talk to about my problems. I shut the world out, I didn’t want to trust anyone, I put on a mask. I still wear that mask now; I thought that was who I am. When you wear a mask for a long time, eventually you even fool yourself into thinking that’s who you really are. But then realisation dawns over you, you realise your pretending, giving people that really care about you, a fake you. They deserve the real you. I know it’s hard, I know it’s the only way you know how to act. But you just gotta. They deserve the real you.

What’s the hardest for me is to trust him again, I had actually forgotten about the way he left, I convinced myself that we agreed together, that he didn’t just abandon me, maybe that’s why I forgave him so easily. But as soon as I knew he was in trouble, I had to help, whether I remembered or not, he was still my Nate, he was still the stupid, reckless boy I grew up with. I cared about him too much to just let him die. I don’t care that he hurt me, I still care about him.

I don’t know why, but this has all crossed my mind now, I hadn’t even thought about the past when I was reunited with Nate. This unconsciousness has rattled my memories, the memories I never wanted to replay again. When you block something out for so long, and if you do it well, I guess you can eventually forget, but it’s a lot worse forgetting and then remembering it all over again. It’s like it just happened over again. You feel the misery, the pain, the sadness. Now thinking about it, I don’t even know how I trusted him again. He’s left once, what’s to stop him from doing it again.