Ambivalence • Jayfeather X Reader •

~Jayfeather X Reader~|26|

AN: Finally, chapter 26! Im sorry for making all of you wait so long. It's going to get fluffy in here, though. Get your popcorn. Use the washroom. Stuffs going down. 

[Y/W/N] wakes up. Shes able to stretch, and yawns loudly. She felt rested.  But sadly, yawning reminded her of her injured muzzle. Again. She doesn't bother getting up. "About time you've woken up," Jayfeather grumbles. Ah, there it is. The nicest thing he'll say to me all day. "Tsk, you arent any better." [Y/W/N] retorts. He flicks his tail in amusement. "Says the one who managed to sleep through the entire dawn patrol." "Leave." "Not until you take these." Jayfeather nudged more herbs towards her. [Y/W/N] nearly gags at the smell but forces herself not to. She laps them up quickly to get the pain over with faster. "Thanks, Jay." She mutters, not realizing she only said half of his name in the process. "By the way, does Bumblestripe still need to see me?" [Y/W/N] twitches an ear curiously, but Jayfeather doesnt waste any time to hesitate answering. "No," He meows quickly. "He changed his mind." "I don't believe that for a mouse tail. If he did, then I'll just ask him myself." "Fine, whatever, I don't care. He said to meet him at moonhigh next to the lake. And you can continue hunting today, but take it easy. No patrols." "Yeah, okay Jayfeather. Can I go now?" "Oh, yes, because staying here is complete torture. Just get out." "On it." [Y/W/N] begins padding out with a small smile spread across her muzzle. "Darn she-cat..." He mutters before she walks out of ear-shot. Briarlight is talking with the warriors near the fresh kill pile. [Y/W/N] flicks her tail at her as a way of greeting to them. A brown tabby she knew well calls her name. "[Y/W/N], did Jayfeather give you permission to join patrols?" Brambleclaw meows. "No, he said I can continue tomorrow." She replies. "Very well."  She starts to head into the forest. What even is this anymore? She feels her chest grow heavy with a mixture of confusion and fear. Out of all cats, why do I feel like this for him? Lately, [Y/W/N] has been forcing herself to get her mind off of the feelings shes hated to admit she had for Jayfeather. She's made excuses, told herself why it wouldnt work out, pushed it to the back of her mind to make sure he never guessed she had them for him. Needless to say, it never worked. "For Starclans sake, hes a medicine cat, and my closest friend..." She whispers to herself angrily. No, she didnt know exactly what she was angry at, but she was. She smells a mouse and flexes her claws before dropping. This is beginning to get so hard to ignore. Its getting worse. [Y/W/N] ends up catching the mouse somehow with her mind elsewhere. "Spottedleaf, please. Help me." She murmurs, looking at the clear sky. Could Spottedleaf hear her pleas? 

...

Nothing.

[Y/W/N] lets out a quivering sigh. Jayfeather would call her a mouse-brain for thinking; no, feeling this way. [Y/W/N] digs a small hole and drops the mouse in it. Thank you, Starclan, for this prey. She dives back into the forest. It's been such a long time since shes smelled so much life and prey all around her. It really did brighten her mood. The leaf-bare had been harsh, but its over now. [Y/W/N] senses a Windclan border patrol. They were looking near her, but the Windclan cats stayed close to their territory. [Y/W/N] sees some twitch their whiskers at her, but they give no report as she stayed on her border. She continues hunting, finding another mouse along with a sparrow on the way. She decides to bring her prey back and eat something; her growling stomach seems to heavily agree with her. She walks back to camp with fresh prey clamped in her jaws. After bringing her final piece, she takes a plump vole from the pile. She settles under a tree and lays down as she begins to eat it, taking her time. Lost in her thoughts, [Y/W/N]  hardly sees the sun go farther down into the sky. I guess I'll have to see Bumblestripe soon. She sighs. [Y/W/N] hadn't done much and yearns to go on a patrol, and yet also wants to just sleep for a moon at the same time. She drops the remains of her vole into dirtplace. After stretching, she begins to groom herself. The warriors, one by one, walk into their dens, seemingly relieved to finally get some sleep. Including Bumblestripe. Thats weird..? Did he forget? She flicks her ear. He likely was just trying to make it seem casual. Come to think of it, she'd have to do that, too. A golden warrior with eyes like fire has his gaze set on her, seemingly deep in thought. She tilts her head at him. Of course, knowing Lionblaze, the totally stealthy and courageous cat he is, he looks away and pretends like nothing happen. She goes into the warriors den, pretending to settle down. Soon, it becomes darker and the moon rises. The warriors were asleep. 
...
Including Bumblestripe.
Whatever, he's probably just going to be a little bit late. [Y/W/N] carefully walks out of the den, and sneaks past the moonhigh guard. She inhales deeply, cant help feeling anxious. Why so late at night would he have to tell her?  She walks to the lake in silence. When she sees it, she settles besides it and curls her tail around her paws. The small waves came down gently. She begins hearing pawsteps. Her heart beat quickens. [Y/W/N] lets her tail flick a couple of times, and she smells Jayfeather settle beside her.

...

Wait. What?

"Jayfeather?"

Her head turns around rapidly. "Are you really that surprised?" He snorts. "Well, yeah!" [Y/W/N] squeaks out. "Tsk." He seems off. "What did you want?" [Y/W/N] asks. "Did Spottedleaf show you?" He asks bluntly. "Show me what?" "If it was- whatever, nevermind." He gets up and has a done expression present on his features. "Tell me, Jayfeather." [Y/W/N] meows, beginning to get worried. "Theres not a point if she didnt show you yet." "Just show me yourself!" "I cant show you without telling you, mouse-brain. I dont have to do anything I dont want to do. Bossy furball..." "Says you! Just tell me." "No." "Yes." "You dont want me to, trust me." "Yeah, I do." "I dont care." Jayfeathers tail flicks angrily. "Well, fine, because I have something to say instead." What am I doing? "Its not going to make me tell you." I cant do this. "I dont care. Jayfeather, I-" STOP. I CANT DO THIS. "...Whats wrong with you?" Jayfeather hisses. DONT TELL HIM- "IHAVEFEELINGSFORYOUIMSORRYPLEASEDONTHURTME"

.

.

.

.

"...What?" Jayfeather spits with narrowed eyes.

"Don't make me say it again or I swear to Starclan Jayfeather-" 

"I literally dont think I heard you right-"

"What do you think I said?" 

"Something stupid. You know, stuff you usually say."

"So why dont you believe you heard what I said?"

"Its more stupid than normal." 

"What was it?"

"Something. Stupid." 

[Y/W/N] flinches and flattens her ears. "If its stupid to you, its stupid to me." "Just tell me what the fox-dung you said! Is it really that hard?" Jayfeather hisses. "Yeah, it is." "Then get it over with." "I have feelings for you, okay? I've been ignoring them and now is the only time I have even some strength to tell you about it. I just ruined everything, but I dont care. I couldnt have ruined much if you dont trust me enough to tell me something I was already planned to know." [Y/W/N] meows, determined not to show her pain. She begins to walk away, her tail already low. 

"Thats exactly what I needed to talk to you about."

[Y/W/N] turns her head even though he couldnt see it. "What?" 

"Ever since- No, even before we've met, so have I. Idiot! Was it so hard to tell?" [Y/W/N]'s pelt immediately heats up. 

"...You're not the most affectionate cat in the forest, if you didnt realize."

"Do you see me acting the way I do towards you to the rest of my clanmates? I thought Spottedleaf told you that it was okay!"

"What was okay?"

"Us. Being mates." He hisses in more of a whisper. 

[Y/W/N]'s shocked to the point she cant think of anything to say other than, "Oh." 
"She said that my fate has thrown me into enough suffering, and that you were the one that I can let level it out. She said she would speak with Firestar in his dreams tonight." Jayfeather mutters. "Jayfeather, does this mean we're mates now?" "What do you think?" "Uh..."  "Of course it does. Mouse-brain." [Y/W/N] lets out a squeak and practically jumps on him out of excitement. Jayfeather has a hard time hiding his happiness, and gives [Y/W/N] an affectionate yet shy lick on the ear. I really cant believe this. [Y/W/N] brushes her muzzle against his cheek and he leans into her touch.
The two watch the stars together, tails entwined. The first moments they've spent together; as mates. 
"We have to get back before they realize we're gone." Jayfeather mutters. 
"Yeah," [Y/W/N] meows in a small voice.
They walk back to camp, hiding from the cautious guard with their pelts brushing before grooming themselves and going into their dens. 
[Y/W/N] falls asleep with a smile spread across her muzzle.
Out of all cats, I'm lucky enough to have him. 

Actually, lucky probably isnt the word for it...

THIS IS NOT THE END OF THE BOOK.