Forever is only a matter of time. (Demi Lovato fanfic)

I just need to breathe.

So before starting this chapter I just wanna say there is a trigger warning for the whole book. I'm sorry if I ever triggered you. It isn't what I want to do. I write whats in my head. So here we go. If someone is really easily triggered please don't read. You won't have problems keeping up with the book if you don't read.

Demi PoV

People say 'stop cutting'. As if it was that easy. People expect it to be. They think you can just snap your fingers and be fine. Yes. I went into treatment but that doesn't mean I'm completely fine. It's not like with cars. You don't just go into a carshop and get fixed. That's not how it works. I don't think I'll ever be fixed. Sure there are good days. Everyone has them. You smile. Laugh. And all the pain is forgotten. People assume you're fixed because they can't see the broken person anymore. But sadly, somewhere hidden, that broken person still exists.

It was the Tuesday after my family left. We had an amazing weekend. We all overlooked Lauras outburst. I know I should have taken it serious but I wanted a nice weekend with my family. We went into the cinema together and just spent a nice few days. I was crushed when I had to leave again, but we promised not to wait such a long time till we visit again. Lauras birthday was coming up and I already bad something amazing planned. Also the interview on Ellen was cancelled and rescheduled for thursday. But even through my life seemed perfect and complete for strangers let me tell you it definitely wasn't.

I was sitting here. On my bed. Naya was out to film for glee and Laura was spending the day with Marissa. I was supposed to write but I couldn't. I was too empty. It was the first time in month I was alone. I forgo how horrible being alone could be. So I sat here. Tears running down my face. Sobbing. Falling apart. And the saddest part is I couldn't even tell why. I just sat there, breaking and I didn't even fucking know why. Do you have an idea how horrible that is? And all I wanted to do was breathe.

'Haha.' Yeah go on and laugh at me. 'Stupid Demi. You are breathing. Otherwise you couldn't live.' Thats what you're thinking right? Yeah I'm not that dumb. I know you people. But by breathing I ment something completely different. Some may have already expected. You people are so lucky if you have no idea what I'm talking about. Normal people just breathe. They live. Without thinking about it. Without difficulties. Then there's people like me. Sometimes breathing gets the hardest thing to do. It hurts. It burns. You're feeling like you're suffocating. And there's only one way to stop yourself from suffocating. You open your skin. You open your skin in order to open your lungs to breathe. You need the red, warm substance that comes from opening your skin. It brings relief. You can breathe when the cuts open up. It's like oxygen for your lungs. The blood brings such an relief. And that's what I need right now. I need to breathe. Otherwise it feels like I'm dying. So I went into the bathroom, grabbed my blades and slashed the blade over my skin. Right below the 'stay' of my 'stay strong' tattoo. The skin immediately opened up and blood came floading out. I took a deep breath. Finally oxygen could fill my lungs. I did another cut. And another. 1,2,3,13. My whole arm was covered in deep cuts. The blood started to fill the ground of the bathtub. But I didn't care. I was finally fine. Good. I undressed myself and went into the shower. I washed all the blood off my body, stepped out, got dressed and went on functioning. And no one can ever find out about this. Otherwise I'd be fucked.

I apologise again if this has triggered anyone. And again sorry for so much negativity. There are happy chapters coming. I just like to write these bc I can release all my feelings.
What do you think will happen on Lauras birthday? What do you wanna read?
Since its 3 updates in 1 day 10 likes and 5 comments(from different people) for the next chapter. Until next time:*♡