Changed me

I am Sorry

Nile POV

Everything. I had heard everything. From the footsteps to the screeching of what I assumed was a chair across the floor, I heard it all. I could feel when someone was in the room with me even when the nurses were probing me checking my vitals and other things. My ears itch as they spoke and I wanted terribly to respond them. I wanted to reassure them that there was no reason for them to cry and that it was okay. I knew every moment someone was in the room and for the few times I fought like hell to respond to them. It started yesterday. I could hear and feel everything but I could not respond to them.

I heard Uncle Mike. I listened as he recalled memories of Jake and I. He spoke about the time we painted our nails with my mom's favorite nail polish. I do not remember why we decided to do it but I do remember that we did not stop at our nails. We emptied the whole bottle. Painting the tan carpet with dots of ruby woo nail polish. My mother tried as hard as she could to be upset but she laughed at the sight. There is a picture of that day, I have not seen it in years.

I heard his voice break as he begged me to wake up and I wanted to let him know I was but my body would not respond. No matter how hard I tried not a sound came out and none of my limbs worked. I felt his calloused hands graze mine quickly before letting go. He was not the only one.

Manny. I heard her as well. However, it was completely different than with Uncle Mike. As always my body responded to her, even if she did not notice. Her hand fit perfectly in mine and she kept it there. I listened to her as she rambled about her day and I knew she was nervous. I wanted to reassure her that she did not need to worry. I wanted to address all of her questions and give her the answers she needed. The answers that would bring her peace. I hated the feeling of being trapped and that is exactly how I felt as I laid there. I felt trapped within my own body and I wanted out.

Nothing about this moment was made any sense to me. How did I get here and what happened. Currently there were eyes staring at me. Eyes that held shock and relief all at once. Blinking I tried to adjust my eyes to the bright lights that flooded into the room. How did I get here?

"Nile" The voice was unfamiliar and as I opened my eyes yet again, I was met by the doctors face being closer than I expected. With a flashlight he checked my eyes and had me follow. The dryness in my throat was begging for relief.

"I need you to follow the light okay."

This is how the remainder of the time went. Various doctors and nurses flooded through the room, Many of them asking the same questions and checking my vitals. They asked my friends and family to step out of the room for a bit while they performed some assessments. There was not much for me to do besides lay there. I am unsure of how long it took for them to finish but by the time they were done I was ready to run away.

"Are you frustrated yet nephew?" Uncle Mike was the first person back in the room. Smiling I took in the jersey that adorned his body. I knew he hated the team but I had a sneaky suspicion it was more for me than anything else. The ball cap on his head a dark color covered his hair and hid his eyes from others. When I was younger he used to wear hats all the time. It was familiar to see him with one again. Nodding I smiled softly at him. My body felt tired and my eyes were heavy.

" Kid." There it was again, the change in his voice. When he was speaking and I heard but could not respond, I knew he was crying. " I am so sorry."

The words hit my ears and immediately I wanted him to take them back. He had nothing to be sorry for. He did not know anything about what was happening. If he had known I know he would have done something. But I did not want him to know. I did not want anyone to know anything. If I did not talk about it , it was not real. That was all a lie. It was real.

"Nile, if I knew I would have killed Darren myself. I still want to kill." Coughing he cleared his throat and I knew it was to stop himself from crying. "You did not deserve anything that happened. I am so sorry that my sister failed you. I am sorry that your father failed you. I am sorry that I failed you but I promise I will spend the rest of my days making sure that never happens again."

There it was. The apology I never knew I wanted but desperately needed. The words filled a part of my that I knew was sealed off. I never expected that there would be an apology. Darren never showed any remorse. He did not care that the person he was punching was his son. He did not care that half of his DNA made me who I was. So I never expected an apology.

"I am sorry Nile. I'm sorry." He no longer tried to hide his tears but let them flow freely. He spoke as they fell and all I could do was listen. "I'm sorry that your coward of a father laid a hand on you. I am sorry that the man who was supposed to teach you what it means to be a man decided to be a coward instead. I am so happy you're awake because I will make it my job to be there for you." I believed him.