Changed me

Did He Apologize?

Manny's POV

When I was four years old, I had my very first recital. I was a snowflake in my ballet schools winter festival and my only job was to run around the stage on my tip toes. Other than smiling there was nothing else for me to do. However, the days before I drove my father insane because of how nervous I was.

How I felt right now made my recital seem like a cake walk. Today Nile would find out the judge's decision regarding his case against Darren. Throughout the past few months he and my father have spent day and night either speaking with someone or prepping for the trial. Nile was hoping that his father would simply admit what he did and that they could skip the trial. However, Darren chose to deny ever laying a hand on Nile.

We sat on his bed the day after he and my father raised a case against Darren. Nile's head was in his hands and I watched as his body shook. He had spent the past two days telling the police and a social worker everything that had happened to him. He showed them his scar decorated body and recounted the moments each of them was received. It was the first time I heard each of the stories in vivid detail.

As he sat on the edge of his bed his back on display for me to see I could not stop my fingers from trailing the scar that sat on his right shoulder. He tensed as my finger tips trailed the scar but he soon relaxed.

"Tell me the story of this one." That is the thing about Nile. He knew every scar that he had. I did not have to tell him which one, he knew. He remembered every dark moment and I hated his father for making him a walking memoir of hurt.

"That was a few months before Lila. It was my birthday and the morning actually started out pretty good. Darren told me happy birthday and we had pancakes. Jake and I used to be obsessed with pancakes. I went to school that day and by the time I got home Darren was drunk." Leaning into my touch he took a deep breath before continuing his story.

"He did not say much at first and at this point he had only hit me twice before this moment. He used to apologize whenever he yelled but the more time passed, the less I heard apologies." He paused. "He started yelling when I walked in and dropped my bag by the door. The rage in his eyes already had me cowering behind the table. He was so angry."

As he spoke I stopped tracing his scar and settled on drawing circles on his back. It was something I learned from babysitting Eli and it seemed to have the same calming effect on Nile. Whenever he went to sleep he would have nightmares. Even if all he did was take a nap he could only go about ten minutes before he was waking up in a cold sweat.

"He yelled about how I was just like my mother and that if I did not listen to him I would grow up to be a waste of space. He screamed about how meaningless I was and I just could not understand why he was so angry. He asked me why I dropped my bag on the floor and when I did not answer he punched the countertop. I jumped back and tried to move further away from him. He grabbed my shirt and shoved me backwards. My shoulder hit the edge of the counter and it cut me."

"Did he apologize?" The question was silly. I knew it before I even asked it however something in me wanted there to be a shred of humanity left to Darren. That is something we do as humans we try to hold on to whatever sliver of good we can find in a person. We allow that little bit of good to convince us that the overall person is good. Turning around he stopped my actions. Looking me in the eyes his calloused hand grazed my chin. Every logical thought slipped out of my mind. The way it always did whenever Nile looked at me.

"Even if he did, he did not mean it beautiful." Looking down I looked everywhere but the boy sitting in front of me. His hair was growing back and he was growing a beard. Lex and I teased him mercilessly about it in the beginning stages. Now it was just another thing about Nile that made me react.