𝙪𝙣𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙤𝙧𝙮; bill denbrough

Chapter 15- Guilt

Richie's p.o.v.

I was at Ed's house since his mom wasn't home.
"Richie!" He giggled as I kissed down his neck until I found a rather ticklish spot, then the phone rang from the kitchen.
I kept kissing him but he pushed me away and ran to the phone while giggling and laughing as I chased him down the hall.

"Eddie speaking," he said while trying not to chuckle.
"Hey E-Eddie." I heard the voice of Bill quietly echoing from the phone. The conversation was hard to understand since Eddie had the phone, but I tried my best to listen.
Eddie responded with a serious of 'yeah's and 'really's throughout the phone call.
After a few minutes Eddie hung up and sat on the couch as he sighed.

"What's the matter Eds?" I asked, genuinely concerned. I grabbed his hand and rubbed his knuckles with my thumb in a comforting manner, the distress in his expression was more than noticeable. The gloom spread over his freckle-covered face.
"It's Stan, he likes y/n." I didn't get why he was so stressed about it, I wanted to know more.
"Is that all, spaghetti?" The brightness and warmth slightly returned to his face at the nickname.
"Bill got in a fight with Stan and he said that Bill stole y/n from him or something.. He's so mad and I, I don't want them to fight." I pulled Eddie I'm closer and he nuzzled his head into the crook of my neck.

I stroked my hand through his hair, my fingers getting wrapped in the forest of dark brown. "It's okay Eds, they're going to be fine."

Y/N p.o.v.

I had another dream, it was, interesting.

I woke up in Bill's bed with arms wrapped around my waist, a person was spooning me.
I was in Bill's room, in Bill's house.

But I turned around to see Stan holding me in his arms, I tucked a strand of curly hair behind his ear as he slept. I cupped his face and spoke in a soft, quiet voice, "Wake up, love."

-

I shot out of my slumber, I sat straight up in my bed and slowly moved my hands to my face. I buried my face in my palms as I let the guilt take over me.

I had to make one thing clear; I do not like Stan. He's a good friend and I love him to bits, but not in that way.
I love Billy, he's an angle trapped on this earth. He deserves so much more than a girl that dreams about waking up to a different boy.

How could I do this? Even thinking about being with Stan makes me sick with guilt. I didn't know how I could tell Bill, but I had to. We have to be honest with each other.
He couldn't be mad at me, he knows I love him.

Right?

Bill's p.o.v.

I was waiting on my porch for y/n to come.
I saw her light blue bike in the distance, instantly a smile crept onto my face.
But there wasn't one on her's.
Her long face made my heart drop to the pit of my stomach.

"Y/n?"I meant to greet her but it sounded more like a question.
"What's the m-matter?" She got off her bike and walked towards me, in tiny sluggish steps. I rushed over to her and cupped her cheeks, giving her a quick peck on the lips.
I looked straight into her beautiful, glossy eyes. She took a shaky breath before speaking.

"You know how we want to be honest with each other? And tell each other everything?" She asked, leaning her head into my touch.
"Y-Yeah.." I responded, I was getting nervous.

"Before I tell you, just please know that I love you, and, and nobody else. Nobody."
My palms began to sweat so I pulled them off her distraught face.
"Y/n-"
"Please, let me talk." I nodded at her request. She took a deep breath in, even bigger than the last.

"I had a dream where I was with Stan." She breathed out.

I clenched my fists and grind my teeth.
"Y-You were, y-y-you were w-with him?" I felt vines of jealousy grow inside me, my mind spinning.
"Please don't be mad at me, I love you so much, Billy. So so much." She grabbed my hands in hopes of calming me down.
The thing is that I wasn't mad at her at all.
I was mad at Stan.

Stan.
That son of a bitch.

His name filled my head, every time I heard the god awful word it would send me farther into this spiral of rage. I hadn't spoken for a while so I tried to push my thoughts aside and give y/n some closure.

"You're n-not the one I'm m-m-mad at, love."
I squeezed her hands reassuringly and leaned down and trapped her lips in a kiss.

I slowly let go of her hands so she could wrap them around my neck. Instead she tangled them in my hair before she pulled away.

"I'll never leave you for anyone, not even Uris." She laughed. Even though it sounded like a joke, I could tell she wasn't lying as she looked deep into my eyes.
I gave her one more kiss on her soft lips before hoping on my bike and riding beside her all the way to school.

Y/N p.o.v.

I walked down the long, crowded hallway after saying goodbye to Bill.
I opened my locker as I heard someone lean on the one that was beside mine.
I closed my locker and looked to see who was trying to talk to me. I knew right away who it was just by the flash of fiery red hair.

"Hi, Marsh." I said in an emotionless voice.

I was still mad at her for getting me drunk at that fucking party, she's my best friend, I'm suppose to be able to trust her.
"Y/n,"
"What do you want?" I interrupted her, I just want to get to class.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have encouraged you to drink. I'm just, I'm so sick of being a loser, you know? I just wanted to fit in, for once."
She laughed at the 'for once' which made me giggle in return.
"Bev," I grabbed her hand.
"You're not a loser, you're a total badass."
We both laughed until she gave me a cautious smile and opened her arms. I wrapped my arms tightly around her waist, I missed my best friend.
"Now, you've missed some shit."
"Do tell!" She clapped her hands together as we walked down the hall.

-

On our walk to the cafeteria Beverly told me about how Ben and her were planning to go to the movies on the weekend, we both squealed and giggled like the teenage girls we are and made our way to the loser's table.
I sat down next to Bill, who was sitting at the opposite end that Stan sat at.
Bill was glaring at him until I spoke.

"Hey, Billy." I greeted with a big smile. He broke his gaze and jumped slightly.
"Oh, h-hey, love. W-when did you get here?" He asked.
"I just got here!" I laughed at his cluelessness.

-

Bill didn't talk for most of lunch, he was too busy staring daggers at Stan. At least Beverly and I could catch up on everything as we snacked off each other's meals.
I couldn't help but get jealous at Bev's beauty. Her soft, red hair. Her beautiful crystal-like eyes. Her full lips.
How could anyone not like her?

I was always self conscious at my old school. Always wearing baggy clothing that would hide my body. I'd never change in the change room since girls would laugh at me.
But when I moved to Derry it was like a fresh start, the losers have made me feel so much more confident and make me feel like I'm at home.

This is my home.
They are my home.

1363 words