𝙪𝙣𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙤𝙧𝙮; bill denbrough

Chapter 24- Stanely's Butterflies

Stanley's p.o.v.

I can't believe I did that. How could I have done that? I did know why I did it though, it all started when I first met Bill when we were 10.

He walked into Mrs. Patty's classroom on the first day of fourth grade with his head down, and tears rolling down his round little face. I assumed he didn't want to be there and begged his mother to stay home. He looked up for a moment and locked eyes with me which made my stomach go crazy, I didn't know what butterflies were back then. He quickly wiped his tears and looked the other way.

Mrs. Patty told us to take a seat, any seat we wanted. The desks were in groups of two, and I really didn't want to sit next to anybody since I didn't know anyone. I sat at a desk against the wall, second row from the front of the class. Soon everyone had taken a seat, except for Bill, of course I didn't know his name just yet.
There was an empty seat right in front of him next to some kid I can't remember the name of. But he walked all the way to my seat, and sat down next to me. My face got all hot and my body froze in place. He looked up for the second time and smiled at me.

At the time I didn't even know what gay meant. No one would talk about it, seeing how it was so unacceptable for some reason I'm not sure of. If you were gay in Derry, you might as well leave town. No one wanted queers near them. Once I learned how much people hated homosexuals I simply brushed off the feelings that Bill gave me and said I had a crush on this girl or that girl, even though I never felt that way about anyone, except for him.

I really thought I had a shot with Bill, Until y/n came into the picture. I was so mad and confused, so damaged that I convinced myself that I had a crush on y/n. Every time I told myself Bill stole y/n from me, she really stole him from me. He was mine.

After Bill and I's fight, I realized I took it too far and apologized. Then we got closer, which was almost how I wanted things to go. But when we went to Mike's barn and Richie and Eddie came out, something clicked in my head in a way, it inspired me. I wanted to tell Bill how I felt. Then we could be happy like they were. Of course I was nervous and kept telling myself I'd do it some other day, until the Snowball. I saw Bill and y/n giggle and dance and kiss. I couldn't take it anymore. I brought him to the music room and closed the door behind us.

-

"Listen Bill, I don't know how to say this, you might even hate me and never talk to me again or block me out of your life completely and I get it because I hate me too and th-"
"S-Stan, stop stalling. Just t-tell me." He assured me and gave me a crooked smile, just like the one he gave me when he sat down next to me in fourth grade.

"I like you." After the words came out of my mouth I lost all my confidence and looked at anything but Bill.
"W-What do you mean, I know you like me. We're b-best friends." He tilted his head.
Damn you Bill Denbrough.
"I, uh, I never liked y/n. I just said that because I like, you." I close my eyes tight and slightly opened one after a few moments of deafening silence.
"You-Yo-You're gay? Y-You l-like me?" He placed a hand on his chest. His cheeks turned red, not nearly as red as mine though. He stared at me for what felt like hours, I didn't blame him, I wouldn't know what to say. Maybe we didn't have to say anything. Maybe this was the part in the cheesy rom coms where they kiss. Maybe we should kiss. I took a step closer to him, and slowly put a hand on his cheek. His eyes widened, he looked almost scared. But he didn't pull away when I kissed him. He stood there, and his eyes slowly closed as he kissed back. His brows furrowed, he was probably more confused than me. Then
y/n opened the door. The kiss stopped immediately. I couldn't look away from Bill.

I had just ruined his life and mine.

Bill's p.o.v.

It had been about a week and a half since the Snowball. Winter break was almost over and I hadn't seen y/n once. I tried to talk to her, but every time I came to her house her mother would ask me to leave.

Why did I kiss back? Why didn't I push him away? It wasn't right, it didn't feel right either. Stanley's my best friend. Nothing more, nothing less. I guess I'll never be able to understand what happened. But all that's important is that I get y/n back. I haven't been able to sleep, eat or do anything at all. Eddie and Richie keep inviting me to go to the movies or the arcade but I couldn't bare to see them as a happy couple. The flirting and touching and kissing. That was the last thing I wanted to see right now.

I decided to quit moping around and take action, I was going to make this better. I have to make things better. I got out of my bed and went to my closet, picking out a baseball tee and a pair of jeans. I brushed my hair since I hadn't touched it in days and brushed my teeth about three times, I needed my breath to smell good if this was going to work as I planned it to. I put on a jacket and boots and walked to
y/n's with a smile on my face. It was the first time I smiled in a while.

Y/N p.o.v.

It was 10 o'clock when I woke up, which was early for me because I've been sleeping in till noon since the Snowball. God, the Snowball.
Tears ran down my cheeks, I tried to get them to stop and vigorously wiped them away but it was no use.

-

I walked downstairs and saw a note on the counter, saying that she was meeting with my father, they were probably going to talk about divorce. I sighed and threw myself on the couch, turning on my favourite channel. I heard a knock at the door and ignored it, I didn't want to deal with solicitors. Then there was another knock, and another, and another, until I couldn't take it anymore. I opened the door to see Bill, his fist in the air, I probably interrupted his rather annoying knocking. He quickly put his arm down and gave me a small smile. I tried to close the door but he shoved his foot in the way of the door.

"That's my move," I whispered with a tiny smile. Shit. I can't go all soft on him, as much as I want this fight to be over, he still kissed Stan.
"I-I'm so sorry, y/n. You have to know th-that. I did not want to k-kiss him," He stated, getting straight to the point.
"Oh really? 'Cause it looked like you wanted to kiss him!" I argued, raising my voice.
"I didn't! I s-swear on my life I did not want to! I know, I k-kissed back, but I don't know
w-why! I'm not gay, I'm f-fucking in love with you!" He said louder than I expected before rubbing his temples. Even though I know he loves me, the heat still rose to my cheeks.
"Listen, St-Stanley came out to me. And he
a-also told me he, l-likes me. " Bill said in a hushed voice.

I know he kissed my boyfriend, but I never took into consideration that Stanley was gay. I thought that he was straight, he did have a crush on me after all, didn't he?
"Oh," was all I could manage to say. Of course I still love Stan, and accept him unconditionally, but he shouldn't have done what he did. It wasn't the right thing to do.

"Y/n, please, l-let's just move past this, I love you." He begged. He looked defeated but still had a smile on his face.
"I don't know, Billy. I don't know what's going on, I don't know how I feel, I don't know anything anymore." Just when you're getting comfortable, life throws another change at you.

I was just about to ask Bill to leave when I saw a figure walking on the sidewalk and slowly turning into my driveway. I looked over his shoulder to see curly, light brown hair with matching bambi eyes. Stanley?

"What do you want," I said to Stan, pushing Bill out of the way.
"I came to explain." He said in a plain tone.
"Oh, really? Because I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear anything you say, because you ruin everything!" I exploded in a fit of rage. I knew I was being harsh, but I didn't care.
"I'm aware of that. But I think you'll want to hear what I have to say." Stan informed in his monotone voice.
"Fine, come inside. Both of you." I opened the door wider, letting both the boys in.

-

Bill took a seat on the chair while I sat on the coffee table and Stanley on the couch. Bill was nervous, I could tell. You could hear his gulps from a mile away.
"Well, explain." I urged Stan to speak.
"Okay," He began, placing his hands neatly in his lap.
"I guess it started with the butterflies."

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