𝙪𝙣𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙤𝙧𝙮; bill denbrough

Chapter 25- Everything

Bill's p.o.v.

I had never seen Stan cry, until now.
I'd known Stanley for six years, and never even saw him shed a tear.

Stan told us everything. Everything. His struggle with his sexuality and his relationship with his father, which was worse than I knew. He told us his darkest thoughts, his suicidal thoughts. Everything. By the end of it, y/n, Stanley and I were on the hardwood floor, sobbing, while engulfed in one big hug. We cried for what felt like hours. Simply sitting there, not bothering to wipe away my tears.

At first glance, Stan is tough. Thick skinned, and an unbothered demeanor. A wall that no insult could break. And that first glance is right, there's a wall at least a mile high around him. Invincible. The wall is invincible. But behind that wall is a boy, a small boy that's been shattered into a million pieces. The shards so tiny that it's nearly impossible to put the boy back together again.

And I want nothing more than to have the dexterity to fix this boy. This sweet, innocent boy. This broken boy.

-

"I'm so, so sorry." Stan said with a weak cry.
"Don't be, you did nothing wrong Stanley. Nothing." Y/n assured him. He didn't buy it.
"Nothing wrong?" He broke apart from the hug. "Nothing wrong? Oh please. I ruin everything! I do nothing right! I'm an inconsiderate jerk who judges my best friend's choices and ruins his relationship all because I'm jealous! I'm no fucking good!" He yelled, trying to fight back sobs.
"Stanley don't you f-f-fucking dare! Don't you dare talk about yourself like that!" I blurted out, not knowing what I was going to say next.
"Oh yeah? Why?" He asked, still crying.
"Because that's not you! Th-That's not how I see you, that's not how y/n sees you, that's n-not how a-a-anyone sees you!" I took in a deep breath. "Y-You're incredible Stanley. Absolutely fucking incredible." I cried while grabbing his shoulders. His eyes were wide with shock, I thought I might have been squeezing him too hard.

The room was silent. The world was silent. Not a single bird singing, not a single kid playing, not a single noise at all.
Until Stan hugged me and sobbed into my shirt, his tears soaking the fabric. I hugged him back immediately, and soon y/n came and joined us.
"I love you. I love you both." Y/n said.
"I love you guys with a-all of my heart." I agreed as my voice cracked, fighting back tears.
"I love you too," Stan whispered. "And thank you." He added. "I don't think I'd be here without you. Hell, I don't think I'd be here without any of the losers." I felt his grip become tighter around my waist.

-

"See you Monday?" I asked Stanley before he could close the door on us. After we calmed down and stopped crying, y/n and I walked Stan home. The walk was silent, but I took comfort in the fact that we all became closer during that short period of time, it possibly making a place in all our hearts. It sure found a special place in mine.

"See you Monday." He responded with a light laugh following 'Monday'. Stan closed his front door which left y/n and I alone.
"F-Follow me." I said, not a request but more-so a command.
"Why would I follow you?" She retorted, raising a brow as a small smile tugged at her lips. She was fighting it.
"Why not?" I mimicked her expression, one upping her. She rolled her eyes and gave in, starting to walk down the snowy street beside me.

Y/N p.o.v.

I should have known.
I should have known he'd take me to the place that tugged at my heart strings the most.

We hopped over the 'no trespassing' gate and walked threw the field, now covered completely in snow, and stood under the tree.
That damn tree.

"This C-Christmas sucked. A lot." Bill said as he took a seat on the snow covered ground.
"Why's that?" I asked, taking a seat across from him.
"You r-really want to know?" I nodded.
"'Cause y-you weren't with me. You weren't with me for N-New Years either." He sighed.
"You know I couldn't. I just couldn't." I took a shaky breath.
"I know." He looked down at his hands.
I couldn't stop staring at him.

The silence was taken over by my inner thoughts. Should I forgive him? Should I still be holding this grudge? Stanley did explain most of the situation to us, but I still didn't understand why Bill didn't pull away from that kiss. But I did know that he was sorry.

The silence was broken as Bill let out a loud sigh and flopped on his back, looking at the passing clouds. The sky hadn't been blue in what felt like forever. Just light gray or white mostly. I joined him, now both laying on our backs on the cold snow, letting the cold consume us. I turned my head and looked at Billy, he still stared blankly at the sky. Slowly, I inched my hand towards his, wrapping my hand around his. He then looked at me, his big green-blue eyes staring straight at mine. He smiled. I smiled.
"I love you." Bill said, as if it were the truest statement he's ever said in his life. No hesitation, no stutter, but raw honesty. I couldn't do anything but return the favour.
"I love you too, Billy." I looked back at the sky, the clouds started morphing into shapes; dragons, mice, flowers, every possible silhouette.
"Y-You know I'm sorry, don't you?" I looked back at Bill. His eyes were glossy. His nose, cheeks and the tips of his ears were a deep pink hue. He squeezed my hand.
"I know." I said, inching my body closer to him.
"So can't w-we just start over?" A tear ran down his face and sank into the snow. Tears started pricking my eyes.
"I hate this s-stupid break, y/n. I n-need you."
He stood up and placed himself in front of me, sticking out his hand. This was it. A new beginning. I let a tear spill as I grabbed his hand and he pulled me up and into his arms.

"You're my everything." I whispered as I wrapped my arms tight around his waist, digging my face into his chest. He placed a kiss on the top of my head which made me look up. Then I pecked his lips and he did the same, each one growing longer. I placed my hands on each of his rosy cheeks, pulling him even closer. He tugged at my bottom lip before slowly pulling away.
"So I-I guess you forgive me then?" He said with a snicker.
"Yeah, you're too cute to stay mad at." I giggled as I pinched his cheek. He grabbed my hand from his cheek and kissed it, he'd never done that before. I small blush crept onto my cheeks.
"Wanna go get s-something t-t-to eat?" He asked while still holding my hand.
"I don't know, my mom might be home soon. She'll be worried sick if I'm not there." I turned my head to the side, now examining the bark on the tree and tracing the cracks with my pinky finger.
"I'll tell her it was m-my fault if she gets mad." He shrugged.
"Alright, but you're paying." I joked as I linked my arm with his.

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