The King's Daughter

32 Do You Love Me?

As I rushed from the library away from Louis, I hurried down the quiet hall. Loud music was coming from the ballroom and I didn't want to go back in there. Felix was standing beside the wall, looking toward me in concern. Tears began falling down my cheeks as I went up to him and flung my arms around him.

I began to sob when he wrapped his arms around me in return, something he usually refrained from out of respect. I desperately wished he could speak. I missed him. He allowed me to embrace him for a moment as I cried against him, but soon he nudged me back. He seemed to be searching my body for injuries.

"I'm okay, Felix. He didn't hurt me." I wiped my cheeks with my hands, still sniffling. "I'm just...I'm just confused. I don't know what to do."

Felix's shoulders slumped and I frowned at his collar. "Why won't he just take this horrible thing off? Is there a way to remove it?"

I reached up to touch it, but he grasped my hand and adamantly shook his head as if something bad would happen if I touched it. My hand retreated.

"I just want to be able to talk. I need help. I need advice from someone who isn't on Louis' side. Because right now everything is pointing me toward Louis and I can't fight against it." More tears fell as I hugged myself.

He led me over to a bench and we sat down. He tried to convey what he wanted to tell me through his expression, but it just didn't work.

"I don't know what to do, Felix. I've been avoiding telling you about what's going on because...because I'm ashamed and I don't want you to judge me or think less of me." I whimpered, feeling my nose start to run.

Felix took out a tissue from his pocket and gave it to me. Then he took out a notepad and scribbled something onto it. He lifted it up for me to read. It said: "Don't be afraid to tell me anything. I'm completely on your side, always."

Tears rushed from my eyes as I hugged him again. "I'm selfishly glad you're here. I don't want you to be a slave, but I don't know what I'd do without someone from home."

We heard a loud crash and then the library door burst open. Louis entered the hall and happened to glance our way, seeing Felix comforting me. His expression was a mixture of hurt and anger and he spun on his heel, walking quickly down the hall away from us. My fingers wiped under my eyes once more.

"I'm not afraid to tell you this anymore." I continued, staring at my trembling hands. "But I...I..."

Felix wrote something else down and showed me. It read: "You like Louis."

My voice broke into another sob as I nodded, lowering my face into my hands. It was now out in the open, not hidden away inside me under lock and key. Felix knew, and perhaps he had realized it before I even did. I felt so ashamed of feeling this way. It just seemed wrong, like I had that mental disorder for liking my captor.

"Am I crazy?" I whimpered, glancing up at him.

He wrote: "You're not crazy, just human."

"I don't think we're ever going to leave this place. And you know what? I'm not even that upset. I miss my family greatly, but I...it's just Louis. Why do I like him? Why do I keep wanting to kiss him? Why did I come this close to...doing other intimate things with him just now? I don't know what to do. I'm so confused and I just want someone to tell me what to do." I cried.

Felix was writing something else: "Do what you want. Do what you think is right. Do what will make you happy."

"So you...approve?" I furrowed my eyebrows.

He shook his head, writing: "I don't like Louis, but if this is what the rest of your life is going to be, make the most of it."

My weeping had calmed some and I dried my eyes with the tissue. "Thanks, Felix. I should have confided in you sooner. I was just ashamed."