The Coldest Summer✓

Thirty-six

"Did you read my diary?" I snap at Sam as I can't seem to withhold the anger I'm feeling inside.

"Oh . . . this? I didn't mean to read it," she says coolly.

"What? That's my fucking diary, Sam! It's my privacy and you have no right to do that!" My body trembles and I momentarily forget that there's a bigger issue than the diary itself.

"I only wanted to return your charger, and by pure coincidence, your lovely diary dropped and flipped. And guess which page it was, huh?" Sam stands up slowly, a creepy smile on her face. Dread washes over me and my focus returns on the bigger issue. "The part where he kissed you for the first time. No, was it kissing you, or both of you kissing each other?" She pretends to think.

I fail to respond, so I just stand with my lips sealed. I think it's finally over.

"Why, Kira? Why this?" she asks me in a soft voice while getting closer. Her smile wears off and only pain resurfaces on her face. "Why, dammit? What did I do to deserve this? Why—"

"Let me explain," I interrupt her, my breath heavy and caught up by fear.

Sam laughs incredulously. "Explain? What's there to explain? You want to explain how you've been fooling me this entire time? Or how stupid and laughable I've been to you? Explaining what sort of a friend you truly are? What else do you want to explain?"

"Sam—"

"I just don't believe this," she cuts me off, her eyes on the diary. "How could you?" She looks at me nastily.

"I didn't mean to do it, Sam. I swear, I didn't mean to—" I pause, unable to even come up with an intelligent excuse.

Sam strides fiercely and slams the diary on my chest. I stare nervously at her, tears pricking in my eyes. This is not how I wanted things to be. I wanted to tell her the truth but time decided to snitch on me. What do I do now? What do I tell her?

Do I even have a defense?

"Spare me your fucked-up excuses, and much less your crocodile tears. You are a traitor! A backstabber! You're the worst, Kira!" she snaps at my face.

"Sam," I utter, shutting my eyes from both lack of words and this feeling as if the world has collapsed on my feet, the air barely enough for my lungs. "I'm sorry. I know nothing can justify the fact that I hid my involvement with Liam but—" I fail to continue.

I'm terrible at arguments, and even more when I'm the guilty one.

"How could you, huh?" Sam utters, disbelief lacing her voice. "After everything I told you, every feeling I shared with you, you still had the guts to betray me like this? Was it fun? Was it fun listening to me whining over and over again that I like him? How did it make you feel every time I talked to you about him? Tell me, Kira! Was it great?"

"I wanted to tell you about it!" I snap back, because talking doesn't seem to work with her right now. "I tried to tell you but . . . but I don't know. Something happened each time I brought the subject up and . . ." And I'd either cower or get no chance to finish saying it.

"You wanted to tell me? What did you want to tell me, Kira? That he loves you and not me? That you two have been having a secret romance behind everyone's back? What the fuck did you want to tell me, damn it!" she yells loudly.

I feel like my head's going to burst and everything goes blurred momentarily. Not knowing what Sam is saying right now, I just clear my vision, exhale heavily, and gaze up at her.

"I don't even know how it all started," I say absentmindedly, recalling all the encounters that led Liam Darcy and I into occasional meetings always from everyone's eyes. "It happened and none of us planned it. But I'm sorry for hiding it, Sam, I just couldn't tell you sooner and maybe that's my biggest mistake," I plead, fully aware that it's too late to apologize.