Casanova {Marauders Era} [Completed]

Silence

With tears in my eyes, I hustled down to a tree near the Whomping Willow. It's one of the few quiet places I could go.
Why didn't Lily understand? Why didn't she understand I can't go through with this Me and Sirius thing? Shouldn't she be on my side? Shouldn't she be supporting my decisions and trying inwardly to change them? Of course not. That's only in the books. I'd realized that books are just better than reality.
On the way down to the tree, I had grabbed my bag full of books. I neared the tree when I saw a familiar face. I gasped and tried to sneak away.
"Serana?" Reg's voice questioned, looking up from his book. I let out a sigh and sat down next to him.
"Still can't tell me from my brother, eh?" He nudged my shoulder slightly. I smiled falsely.
"Hey, you ok? Are you crying?" His voice turned concerned in two seconds flat. I shook my head.
"It's nothing. Just-" I stopped myself from saying anything further, knowing I would burst into tears. Those dang emotions were killing me!
"What's wrong Serana?" He placed his hand on my face a wiped away a single tear I shed.
"Sirius," I whispered.
"What did my brother do to you?" He growled.
"Nothing Reg. I'm just...it's just..." I ended up explaining everything to him. From beginning to end. He didn't interrupt once, just listened.
"Wow," was all he said.
"I've realized that boys in books are just better," I scowled slightly at my bag.
"You do realize I am a boy, right?" Reg snorted.
"Of course I know that, but I don't want to tell anyone else. I need to tell you. See," I pulled out Fellowship Of The Ring "Say I had a crush on Legolas. I can place myself in this book, dream about it, write it down. I'd be completely in control of what he did, of what I did, of what anyone did. I could have him love me to the point of death, I could have him pretend to love me to spare my feelings, I could have him not love me at all. It's all the same, because I know how he's feeling. But in real life, this dang reality, I have no freaking clue what you boys are thinking! You, right now, could be thinking about some other girl you snogged and not really listening at all. Or you could be thinking about that test in charms that you need to study for. But I don't know! But with Sirius, it's the hardest. It's harder because I love him. I could pretend that he loves me, but it's just a figment of my imagination. Or he really could love me, but I don't think he does. Or maybe he just wants to be my friend. Or maybe...there's just endless possibilities to what he's thinking, and I won't have one clue to what it is. I wish I could just..." I pulled out another vile I kept in my pocket at all times. It's sloppy, lumpy, and green.
"What's that, Serana?" Reg asked. I stared at it.
"Once, in Potions, we were making something. I purposefully made it wrong. I don't know what it'll do to me," I tilted my head to the side, staring at the Potion.
"Serana, tell me you won't drink it. Tell me that. Promise me that," Reg grabbed my shoulders, making me drop the vile.
"I promised myself I'd only take it if completely necessary. Who knows, maybe it'll make me eternally happy," I shrugged.
Reg sighed. He hugged me.
"By the way, your speech was beautiful," he smiled. I smiled too.
"So, you can't stand me, but you can get all cosy with my brother? And I'm The player?" Someone snapped. I looked.
"Sirius. Please, let me explain. I need to tell you-"
"No! I don't want you to explain!" He yelled and pulled out his wand. He spoke some spell I didn't understand. But I flew up in the air, as if I was being held up by one ankle. I screamed.
"Sirius! Let her down! She's afraid!" Reg shouted. Sirius didn't respond. Not only was I afraid of falling figuratively, but literally as well.
"Sirius! Please. I'm...I'm afraid of falling," I whimpered fear seeping through me. Sirius looked like he was on the verge of tears.
"You wanted me to love you, didn't you! You knew I was Razzy, so you told me. You did this on purpose! Why? So I knew how all the girls in the school feel? Well, I know now! You can stop pretending you love me!" Sirius roared.
"Let her down Sirius!" Reg yelled. Sirius started walking forward, me floating in front of him. I started to cry.
"Your tears won't help you now. You can stop pretending to be the shy, innocent one," Sirius hissed. His words hurt.
"Sirius, listen to me. I do love you-" I started, but he interrupted me.
"No! I heard you a Evans talking! I'm arrogant, self-centered, and mean!" He screamed.
"That wasn't what I was talking about! I was trying to tell her-"
"Just shut up. I don't want to hear it," he growled. Be rose me higher, then dropped me. I screamed the whole way down. I landed on my ankle with an unsatisfactory crunch. I cried out.
"Serana move!" Reg shouted. Shakily, I turned. I was right under the Whomping Willow. I screamed as one of the branches swooped down and crashed into me, sending me flying. I hit another branch.
"Serana!" Reg's voice was faint through the sound of my wailing and the buzzing blocking my ears.
"Help!" I screeched.
"I'll be right back, Serana!" I think Reg said. I was continuously bat between two large branches, my eyes shut tight. There was crunch after crunch, I knew it as my bones. I saw my chance to grab another thinner branch, so I did. I grabbed it and clung to it for dear life. My face, hands, and knees were bleeding. A multitude of bones were broken. An endless river of tears flowed from my eyes. Fear and pain coursed through my body. No hope. No hope was left for my broken body. It took all of my strength to hold onto that branch. The branch swayed and swerved and swooped, trying to throw me off it, but I wouldn't let go. I wasn't going to fall. I wasn't afraid of heights, I was afraid of falling.
A voice from below said something. Everything stopped moving. I didn't open my eyes. The branch slowly moved downwards until I felt something solid. My feet touched the ground, and I immediately fell over from dizziness, pain, sorrow, loss, sadness, and fear.
I didn't talk when I woke up. I had a few cards and a few candies, but I didn't talk.
Madam Pomfrey asked what happened, but I didn't respond. Lils, Jinxy, Sev, Frank, and Reg came in every no and again to talk to me. I did listen, but I didn't say anything back. At one point, Reg brought in my book bag and wand. I nodded at him as if to say 'Thanks'. I read the rest of my time in the Hospital Wing.
I soon returned to the daily routine, but I still no longer spoke. I spoke none to Lils, Jinxy, Alice, Molly, Remus, Frank, Reg, or anyone else for that matter. Sometimes I had silent conversations with Pluto, but he couldn't really talk anyway. I didn't raise my hand during class, I just wrote what was needed to be written and did whatever else needed to be done. The Professors didn't question me, for Dumbledore told them of my event. He happened to be the one who saved my life from the Whomping Willow, so I fully trusted him. I only smiled when, reading, writing, dreaming, or when Professor Dumbledore passed by.
My friends finally realized I wasn't going to talk, so they went their separate ways. Jinxy went on her date with Remus, Alice went with Frank, Sirius windy with James, and I went with Lily. Everyone was happily, for then at least. Lily and I spent most of our time buying books from the bookstore. I'd admit, it was fun. I didn't attend any Slug Club events, and Professor Slughorn didn't hold it against me. Halloween came, I didn't go. Instead, I read 'Hallowe'en Party," by Agatha Christie. I did all my Quidditch games, not speaking a single word. I didn't need to. Keeper doesn't need to speak.
I went through the November transformation without Remus, though I still kept up my diary. Jinxy came to my aid, but even the werewolf me was sad, so I did nothing but lie there all night. I was pretty happy about that.
Thanksgiving came and went, I still wasn't talking. Nobody even tried to talk to me by then. My regular routine was, get up, eat, go to classes, eat, go to classes, eat, go into bed and read/write until nighttime, repeat. Somedays, I had a break, so I'd go into my dorm and have silent conversations with Pluto, or I'd just lie there and stare off into nothingness.
Soon, it was Christmas. Everyone left to go home, except Sev and a few other people. Sev tried to talk to me once or twice the break, because he though, now that Sirius was gone, I'd talk, but nope. I continued to stay silent. I didn't go home, because I slept in, purposefully. I wanted to 'miss the train'. I wanted to be alone.
I awoke Christmas morning. I sat up. To my surprise and horror, about a gazillion owls Sat in my bedroom. I squealed. Pluto woke too and hissed at all the owls. When the realized I was awake, they all dropped one or two things and flew away. I collected everything and plopped them on my bed. I sorted through it all. Somethings were presents, some were letter.
They were from Lils, Jinxy, mum, Frank, everybody. Even Reg. I wasn't going to open any of them, not just yet. I noticed, just then, a small black box with gold and red ribbon on it. I layed back down, and twirled the box in my hands. Pluto Sat on my chest. For some reason, I brought the box up to my nose.
"Lemons," I whispered. I stared at the box. I was decided wether to open it or not. My curiosity overcame me. I pulled off the ribbon (Pluto meowed at me). I layed it to the side. Ever so carefully, I opened the box, worried it was jinxed or something. I gasped in shock of the wonder it held. I came close to tears. It was a letter. A letter folded a million times to fit in the box. On the front of the letter, in bid letters, was SIRIUS I folded it. Something fell out, but I didn't care right then.
Dear River, I hope you still like my nickname for you. I wanted to say sorry for doing that to you. I didn't mean to hurt you. Regulus told me what happened. Well, he actually screamed it at me. I was just so confused and mad that I couldn't contain myself. I didn't mean anything that I said to you right then. You are innocent and shy. I love that about you. What I'm really trying to say is, Love you lots,
Razzy
PS. Hope you like the gift.
I smiled. I couldn't contain my happiness. I picked up the item that fell from the letter. I stared at it in awe i.ebayimg.com/t/TOC-2-Sided-Worde... I clipped the necklace onto my neck. I put the letter back in the box, put the box into my bag, and tied the ribbon around Pluto's neck. He gave no objection. I picked up letter after letter from my friends and family. I wrote back to every single on of them. After staring at the presents' boxes for a while, I decided to open them. From Jinxy and Lily, I got the third piece to a three way necklace bff-necklace From Alice, I got a box of mint tea and a red tea kettle. il_570xN.472767624_hjug Mum got me a Lemon (yeah!!) And Frank chipped in on the new writing journal. Beautiful_Wolf_Leather_Journal Remus got me a new book on werewolves. Harry-Potter-and-the-Chamber-o Sev got me a muggle book called 'Grimm's Fairy Tales,'. Grimm's+Fairy+Tales Lastly, but certainly not least, Reg got me a small green box, just to put stuff in as he says on his letters. 0.1074 I smiled at all my gifts. I changed into some warm clothes, before running, to Professor Dumbeldore's Office.
"Acid Pops," I said. Stairs appeared and I ran up them.
"Professor Dumbeldore, sir!" I exclaimed.
"Yes, Ms. Longbottom. I see you are talking again?" He smiled at me.
"Yes sir, I am. Can I Go to Hogsmed? I haven't gotten my friends and family anything for Christmas, yet," I beamed.
"Yes, yes. But I will come along," he got out from behind his desk and we walked downstairs. After buying things for all my friends, I thanked Professor Dumbledore and ran to the owlery. I picked out 8 different birds and attached my gifts to them. I told each one where to go before running back into the castle, hoping find Sev.
"Sev!" I shouted. I finally found him.
"Rani! You're talking again!" Sev smiled. I nodded.
"Thanks for the gift, by the way. Here's yours," I handed him the wrapped gift and ran back to my dorm, where I wrote a new story in my new journal for the the night.