My Neighbor's Friend

Mending a Broken Heart

~~Eren Jaeger~~

Mikasa says I look dead as a corpse.

If it was any other time, I'd have fought with her and tried to prove her wrong. Like that time when I was miserably defeated in a fistfight against Annie in front of the whole class and locked myself in my room for the rest of the week just to hide from embarrassment. Mikasa called me and said I was behaving like a coward and surely, that had me triggered. I'd woken up the next morning with a new determination, attended all my classes with a square face while ignoring the mocking and continuous leers from some of the students. I honestly thought it'd go on for days, but then for some mysterious reason those jerks backed down. I still suspect it had something to do with Mikasa giving them a silent threat or something. One she never confirmed.

Anyway, so that would've been a normal response for me. Fighting back, getting fired up. And I'm pretty sure that's what Mikasa's been trying to do. But somehow, that fire's been dulled.

Now, I just don't care. Or, more like, I can't bring myself to care.

It's like he took all my passion with him when he left.

Armin says I'm being melodramatic. Maybe I am. Maybe it's just a teenage thing, a phase that'll pass away with time. But at this moment, to me what I'm feeling is real. Even if it is a phase, that doesn't mean my feelings right now are any less important. Even if this pain I feel in my chest is temporary, that doesn't make it hurt less.

I wonder if I'm the only one feeling this way.

Heh, I must be. After all, he's an experienced and mature adult. He knows how to control himself and his emotions. Unlike me, a pathetic little shit.

Me, who can't even bear to hear his name without feeling like someone just punched a hole in my chest.

've been trying though. To move on, I mean. But to be honest, I don't want to. I really don't. All I wanna do is just lie in my bed and stare at the ceiling while my mind replays those two days over and over, like I'm doing right now.

"Eren!"

Of course, those two won't let me.

I drag my eyes away from the ceiling. Making my head turn towards the voice takes much more effort, like my body is too heavy and my muscles are too weak. I know it's just the depression making me feel this way, but it's better to pretend to just be tired. That way, I don't have to deal with reality.

Or the fact that my heart is lying around, stomped all over and shattered in tiny pieces.

I'm too tired to pick them up anyway.

"Get up! Get up!"

Damn! Why is Armin being so noisy?

I take a pillow and smother my face with it, effectively shutting the outside world.

"Eren."

Great, now she's here too!

I feel a tug at my pillow and tighten my grip on it. Mikasa can be stronger than me, but that doesn't mean I'll go down without a fight.

I am a capable human being who has every right to shut himself in his room and wallow in self-pity. Why's that so hard to grasp?!