My Neighbor's Friend

The Second Visit to Shiganshina

~~Eren Jaeger~~

It's just like a regular day of late spring.

The sky is clear. Snow white clouds floating here and there like cotton candies. There's a nice warm breeze blowing, signaling that summer is on its way. The air is light and fragrant.

A beautiful day.

Well, not for me.

If it was any other time, I'd have been ecstatic to go out; maybe have a picnic with Armin and Mikasa. I'd be closing my eyes and inhaling the sweet aroma of the season, enjoying the way my hair gets messed up by the wind. I'd be lying on the ground and searching for familiar shapes in the puffy clouds, picking up wild flowers for mom, probably singing some forgotten tune.

But today, it's suffocating. All the color and brightness around me feel like they're mocking me. As if the moment I close my eyes and listen, I'll hear them whisper –

Look around you Eren. Everyone is so happy. But you can't be, can you?

I feel like running away. I feel like screaming my lungs out. But I can't. The air gets heavier by the minute. Like invisible monsters gathering around and closing in on me. They're gripping my throat, cutting off the airflow. I open my mouth and try to inhale.

But. I. Can't!

Armin and Mikasa sit silently on either side of me, unaware of my inner turmoil. Or maybe they know; that's why they're not saying anything. We just sit there, on the small steps of stairs from my house to the ground; me on the last step while both of them are on the upper one.

I ran out of the house the moment they brought in dad's body in an ambulance. That was in the morning. I was wandering around the neighborhood, too riled up to go home and face everything. When my two friends found me, I was in the beach. They didn't say a word, just grabbed my hand and dragged me back with them. I complied without a fuss. But when they tried to pull me inside the house, I refused. I could hear the faint whispers, familiar voices of friends and relatives, discussing the funeral arrangements. And I just couldn't take it, not yet. So I sat outside. And of course, those two stayed with me.

How long has it been, I wonder. I'll have to go inside if I wanna know the time. I'd rather not. I could just ask Mika or Armin, but I don't feel like talking either. I look up at the sun shining brightly. It's probably around lunch time.

My stomach curls at the thought of food. This morning Mikasa forcefully tried to make me eat breakfast, which ended up with me throwing up. I just hope she doesn't try again anytime soon. I'm afraid the result will be same.

I cover my face with my palms and sigh. Their worried gazes linger on the back of my head.

Well, whatever.

----------------------------------------------------

It's the sound of car wheels that makes me raise my head after a while. A black sedan. Heading this way. The car seems old, with dents on either door. Probably a rental.

Who could it be? Another relative? Maybe. They've been coming all day.

I sigh.