My Neighbor's Friend

Love...?

~Levi Ackerman~~

There are two things that I was forced to learn very early in life.

One. The world is a shitty place.

Two. Life is the most unfair fucking shit ever.

And believe me when I say, in my total of 34 years, there have only been a handful of incidents that could make me think otherwise.

Hange Zoe is NOT one of them.

If anyone ever asks me to represent Hange with something, I'd say they're like a shitstorm without any prior notice. Full of irrationality and batshit crazy. A typhoon that comes in your life and does as it pleases without a care in the world.

Everything around you is blowing up? All your carefully constructed plans are getting ruined?

Haha. See if they give a damn!

I know what you're thinking. Why do I put up with such madness? Huh... Fuck if I know! It's that shitty eyebrows who's in fault. If only he'd listened to me the first time and changed my working partner, I wouldn't be here suffering right now.

'Here' being the weekly get together at Hange's.

Don't get me wrong. It's not like I don't enjoy hanging out with these two. Because I do. Hell! I was enjoying even half an hour ago.

Until shitty glasses brought up the one person I've been refusing to think about for the past few days.

"Hey Levi", they called my name in a calm voice. A voice that warned me that they were up to no good. I lifted my head to look at them with cautious eyes.

They grinned evilly, and instantly I knew what they're gonna ask.

"Hang–"

"Have you contacted Eren yet?" they shouted over my attempt to shut them up. And the moment I heard that name, I froze.

Erwin looked back and forth between Hange and me, confusion etched in his crystal blue eyes. "Who's Eren?!"

I swear Hange's face would have split in two if they tried to smile any wider. No, wait. I'd hoped their face did split in two! Fucking annoying shitty glasses! That'd have shut them up.

"Oh Erwin, he didn't tell you?!" Hange turned to Erwin with a look of mocking hurt. And then, it slowly morphed into an impish grin.

Okay, time to leave this place!

"Eren Jaeger is my friend..." they paused and wiggled their eyebrows at me. "... and Levi's darling little boy!"

It's totally undignified to choke on your drink and spill it all over your clothes. But that's exactly what I did.

"He is NOT my darling little boy!"

Did I tell you the world was a shitty place? Let me tell you one more thing. The inside of Hange Zoe's head was the shittiest of them all.