Chapter 29 "Memories to behold"

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"Don't put me in a position where I have to show you how cold my heart truly is."

Stepping through the mirror back to the safety of her castle walls felt comforting

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Stepping through the mirror back to the safety of her castle walls felt comforting. After the long few days of constantly watching over her back, it felt refreshing to be back again. She wanted to feel safe, protected, but deep down she knew no one was safe. Not even here. Not anywhere. She imagined Corypheus was more than unhappy about the well of the sorrows and the mirror. She could care less, but she cared too much. Not for him, of course. She cared about what this anger will bring to her. Eleanor knew the final fight will have to happen soon, she wasnt ready. No one was. She knows that because she sees it every day in people's faces. They hide it of course, but she was always good at reading people. Their feelings were like an open book for her. 

Dusting off her dark leather pants, Eleanor looked around at her companions. Varric had concern written all over his face but smiled nevertheless. Sometimes his positivity scared her, he somehow always found a way to look at the bright side. There was once of course when she needed to prove to him that everything will be alright. Bianca hurt him pretty well, who could have understood him better than the one who was cast out by a person she thought to be the love of her life. She held his shoulder that day. Looking down into his eyes she said things that she didn't believe herself. Things she wanted to be true. You could say she lied. But it helped, she knew it did.

Cassandra had her brows furrowed, as usual, standing tall, her sword in her hand. She looked unbreakable. Even she had some weak spots. Hopeless romantic, but alone by herself. Eleanor was there that day when she read the Seeker tome. She looked broken, tired and hopeless. All she believed in was a lie. The rules she lived by every day. The things she did. It all came crashing at once. Eleanor was there. She sat next to her. Hugged her tightly, most likely taking her by surprise but she didn't care. She held her friend in her worst. A friend that once threatened her was now the one to keep her on her feet.

Solas. The only person she could never understand could never read. His face calm, collected. A big hole on his knee forced her to look down at his wound. He noticed that quickly giving her a reassuring smile. He was the first to leave walking past her, not saying a word. He probably knew all about this. About the well of sorrows. Was he happy that it was she who absorbed it? Was he angry, sad, confused? She could never tell. She can only remember this one time he dropped his mask. Kneeling in front of his friend. His dying friend. His spirit friend. Although she never understood how one can have such a connection with a spirit, she didn't judge. She gave him time. Time to heal, time to put his mask back on. They never spoke of it again. He did mention once that she was the only human in his life that he respected, he adored her. But she couldn't tell if he was telling the truth, she could never tell if at any time of their encounters he was ever telling her the truth.

Finally, she looked at Morrigan. She was breathing heavily. Leaning against the stone wall. One of her hands were holding her staff for dear life. She looked back, throwing daggers at the Inquisitor. Eleanor knew why. She wanted the well, craved for it. Yet you don't always get what you want. She looked exhausted and disappointed. But she could care less. Turning around, Eleanor went through the doors leading into the gardens. Some people didn't even bother to look her way. Some were scared or surprised at this sudden appearing at Skyhold. Stopping only once to ask for the hot tub to be ready in her room Eleanor walked past the Hall through the doors and up the stairs leading into the chambers. Tearing off the dirty clothes, or whatever it was left of it she grabbed a robe covering her naked body. At times like this, she was more than happy to have a balcony with a view over the mountains. It was calming. 

Josephine murmured a small hello standing in the doorway. Behind her, Eleanor could see two young servant girls running around with buckets filled with how water. "How are you feeling, Inquisitor." 

-I'm good, Josephine. Just exhausted. I would like to take a bath and have some time to relax before our commander returns."She walked past her advisor towards her desk. Picking up unread letters and putting them next to the tub. "How are things in Skyhold?"

-Everything is under control. More volunteers came to fight with us. We must plan our next move as soon as possible." Eleanor noded removing her robe and climbing into the tub. "I'll let you rest." With that Josephine left, concern written all over her face. She worried, that much Eleanor knew. But she always worried it was nothing new for her anymore.

Putting on some clean clothes, Eleanor brushed out her soft hair and decided she couldn't waste any more time. Concentrating her energy she disappeared from her room travelling back to Arbor Wilds. Everyone was packing up and getting ready for the trip back to Skyhold. No one seemed to notice her, they were tired and exhausted much like she was. Walking past the tents she heard all too familiar voice, the commander was instructing his soldiers around. She smiled softly watching.

All these people she could read like an open book, he was the only one she could never allow herself to hurt. He saw her for who she was, not for how she acted. He knew her well, too well. It scared her sometimes, he had all this power over her. There is nothing in this world she wouldn't give up for him. Even her life. Cullen turned around with his brows furrowed, he looked genuinely happy to see her, even relieved. 

-I thought you'll be in Skyhold by now." he murmured stepping closer and giving her a small peck on her cheek tingling her with his short beard. 

-I was but we need you back." she smiled brushing off some of his blond strands away from his forehead. "Let's head back home, Cullen. I need you there."

-Give me a few minutes, love."

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Hour after hour, Eleanor couldn't seem to fall asleep, her head resting against Cullen's chest and one hand laid right above his heart. She could feel his heart beating a little slower than hers. He looked calm and innocent. It reminded her of that only fight they ever had. The night when she knocked on his door finding him leaning over his desk. Dark bag under his eyes, greasy hair that has seen better days. His armour plate was laying on the ground and leather gloves hanging on the ladder. He looked awful and she knew why. Eleanor never had an addiction problem, but she has heard how hard it is to give up lyrium for Templars. That evening she allowed him to shout, scream at her. She grabbed the lyrium box walked outside and threw it outside the Skyhold walls. For the first time, she saw raw anger in his eyes. She wasn't scared, she wanted him to feel, feel anything. With lyrium feelings are gone, without it they are alive. He is alive. 

She held him that night in her hands. His head was on her lap, breathing slowly while she used the little trick her trainer thought her long time ago. Soft blue light flickering between her fingers. After that evening he asked her often to use her magic on him. He looked more relaxed. Its the spell she used on her father when she was younger. Whenever his head was in pain she was there to help. 

Eleanor threw the thoughts out of her head and climbed out of the bed. Leaving her Commander to rest she dressed up and made her way to the war room.  It shouldn't take long before her advisors wake up and they can plan their next move.

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A/N

A little throwback to the past of some of the Inquisitor's friends. I hope yall enjoyed the chapter. I had a rough few months and couldn't bring my depressed ass to continue on writing. I hope everyone had a beautiful first month of 2020. See you soon. 

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⏰ Last updated: Jan 31, 2020 ⏰

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