Dear Diary

Chapter 17

A week has passed since my first lesson with Cole, and I still have yet to break out of my shy, insecure shell while being around him. Whenever he explains something, I can only look into those deep, chocolate brown orbs for a millisecond before looking away with a heated face.

But I've always been like that, especially around guys that I'm attracted to, and I would be an idiot not to know that I was attracted to Cole - half of the school's female population was.

Right now English was finishing up and, for everyone else, it would mean the end of the day. I, on the other hand, had a tutoring session with Cole. Last Friday the math teachers said that they will only do the check-up tests once a month now (much to my utter joy) or else there wouldn't be enough teaching time.

Finally, the bell rang to signal the end of Shakespeare torture. I loved Shakespeare's storylines, they were never cliché (except that everyone always dies in the end), but it was just the horrible questions they asked you on the story in tests and exams. The class began to pack away, but Mrs Eley being Mrs Eley, forced everyone to sit still to hear the end-of-class announcements. Eventually, she allowed us to leave.

I said my usual goodbyes to my friends, brushing off the questions of what I was going to do now. They still don't know that Cole is tutoring me. Richard, however, was glued to my side as he walked me towards Mr Tuttle's classroom.

The classroom was empty by the time we arrived, and I found it unusual not to see Cole in the classroom. However, we did just come from the same class so he probably stopped by his locker or something.

I looked at Richard and smiled. "I'm sure I'm safe now. I don't think Mr Grayham will be pleased with you being late for football practise again."

Richard looked down at me with a smile and crossed his arms over his chest. Although, it was only the third week of being back at school, it was becoming increasingly apparent how athletic Richard was. His shoulders had broadened from swimming, muscles more defined from gym and larger from football. And he still managed to keep his straight A's. No wonder I saw girls drooling over him in the hallway coming here. Like I said, half the female population loved Cole, the other half - Richard.

"Yeah, that was pretty funny," he laughed, eyes twinkling as he looked at me before turning serious. "Don't leave the classroom until I come fetch you, okay?"

I rolled my eyes at his protectiveness. "Yes, yes," I said slightly exasperated, and placed a hand to my forehead feigning a headache. "You're sounding more like my mother everyday."

"It's just because I care about you," he replied, his gaze intensifying as he stared at me, causing me to look away. 

What was that about? I shook aside the awkward feeling.

"Alright, I won't. Now get going!" I said and tried pushing him out the room, but he stayed rooted to the spot, watching my struggles amused. "Richard!" I whined. Who was I kidding? What did my short height stand against his 6'1" self?

He laughed and took a tiny step back. I was still pushing against him with all my might, that the sudden lack of resistance made me topple forward, and Richard quickly caught me in his arms before I collided with the floor. I looked up to give him a glare, but as I did, I caught sight of someone standing in the doorway with a masked expression on his face.

Cole.

I realised in that moment that Richard's arms were still wrapped securely around me, and my face heated when I thought about what it might look like. I suddenly felt incredibly embarrassed.

Richard, picking up on my mood, frowned. "What's wrong?" he asked and turned to the doorway only to find it empty.

"Nothing," I muttered and pulled myself out of his arms. "Um, you should probably get going," I said, eyes cast towards the ground as I felt my ears burn red.

"Right," he mumbled and fixed his backpack before leaving the room. I let out a shaky sigh and turned towards the desks before fixing two into the position Cole made on the first day of tutoring. I then sat down and waited ... and waited ... and waited.

Twenty minutes had passed, and by now the inside of my right cheek was raw and bleeding from how much I was gnawing on it with anxiousness. Where was Cole? Did something happen? Or did he think he was giving Richard and I some 'alone' time?

I shook my head to rid the thought. The moment Cole walked in on undoubtedly made it look like there was something going on between us. But, even though it's only been a week, I knew Cole didn't care about much, or if he did, he didn't show it. If he thought that there was something, he would probably have come in and sat down right in front of us to watch me become increasingly embarrassed.

I groaned as I looked at the clock. My head felt torn, torn because I promised Richard I wouldn't leave the classroom, but concerned on where Cole had disappeared to. Not only that, but I didn't feel like sitting here twiddling my thumbs for the next forty minutes. I hate maths, but I would rather do that than think up crazy scenarios while sitting alone in a classroom.

Eventually going against my better judgement, I stood and quickly walked out the room before I changed my mind. I moved around the school grounds, searching for any signs of human activity, but avoiding the football field. If Richard saw me outside the classroom ...

After searching for close to ten minutes with no luck, I was just about to turn around to go back to the classroom when a voice stopped me.

"Finally finished with your jock-boyfriend, have you?"

I spun around to find Cole casually leaning against the face-brick surfacing of an indent in the school wall, which gave it a three-side square shape, with a cigarette in his mouth. It was scary how  this boy could be so stealthy for his large frame. If he hadn't spoken, I wouldn't have even known he was there. 

I gulped and slowly advanced towards him, my heart kicking up my throat the closer I went. His deep eyes never once left my face, and I watched as he let out a puff of white smoke that flitted off into the air. I stopped when I was about two metres away from him and stared at my shoes.

"He's not my boyfriend," I muttered so softly I won't be surprised if he never heard me. 

My voice did that whenever I tried talking to a guy I wasn't comfortable around, which was almost every guy. It seemed to have an automatic mute button to it. I chanced a glance at his face. His eyes gave away nothing as he stared straight back at me.

My breath hitched as he let out another puff of smoke, and I had to refrain from covering my nose. I was someone who was fortunate enough to have no smokers in my family, so I was not used to the chocking smell. I looked to the side of his face, not holding his gaze. The fact that he was smoking on school premises made me a little nervous. It reminded me that he was a 'bad boy'.

I realised in that moment how much I had changed from when I was little. I was always so confident, screaming at someone from across the street when I saw them smoking saying that they will die if they continue smoke. Now, I can barely look at the person puffing away right in front of me.

Even though I've been spending more time with him, this was actually the first time we have spoken about something other than maths. In English, no-one would even guess that we met up after school for tutoring because we never so much as looked at each other. Well, Cole didn't, but I have snuck a few glances here and there.

After a few moments Cole sighed, letting out a final white cloud of smoke before dropping the cigarette to the floor and stomping on it. He then pulled out a pack of mints from his pocket and popped one in his mouth.

"Let's go," he said calmly and I watched the tattoos on his arm swirl slightly as he stuffed his hands back in his pockets before walking passed me.

I turned and fell in step next to him as we began making our way back to Mr Tuttle's classroom. I realised as we walked, that it was the first time we had ever walked alongside each other.

Although he towered over me, his school shirt fitting tightly on him due to the muscles which could easily bash my head in, I felt my nervousness ebb away at his silent presence and the smallest smile came to my face.