Dear Diary

Chapter 94

I don't know how long I stood there, staring at the spot where I last saw Cole. My mind was completely numb; my fragile heart a dried leaf in the wind. The sound of the bell ringing vaguely registered in my ears. Maths must've ended, so I would need to get going to my next class. But I didn't move. I couldn't move. I felt like I was stuck in a daze.

"Lizzy!" I heard a familiar voice call out to me. "There you are! Why didn't you come to maths? Where- Why are you crying?" Anne asked when she reached me. 

I hadn't even realised that tears were rolling down my cheeks. Her words made everything rush back to me; what I had just done.

A pained sound escaped my lips and I collapsed to my knees, burying my face into my hands as tears poured down my face. I heard Anne drop her books as she quickly knelt down in front of me and wrapped her arms around me in a consoling hug. I wasted no time in returning it, clutching onto her school blouse as sobs wracked my body.

For once I didn't care what people thought as they passed us. I was in too much pain to care. I never thought that breaking up with someone would ever hurt this much. My heart felt like it had been ripped out of my chest and repeatedly stabbed with a blade. I clutched onto Anne like a life-line, my tears so intense that my lungs heaved as they tried to get oxygen into my system.

Anne didn't question me, just let me weep uncontrollably into her shoulder as she rubbed soothing circles on my back. Classes must've started as the school was quiet when I finally calmed down enough to sit up straight. 

Anne handed me a tissue.

"Thank you," I muttered, my voice hoarse. 

No doubt I looked as bad as I felt.

When I finally had the courage to look up, I instantly noticed that Anne's blouse on the right shoulder was wet with my tears. Anne didn't seem bothered as she stared at me with worry. I can't blame her. I've never cried so hard in front of anyone before.

"What happened, Lizzy?" she asked carefully, as though I was fragile china that would break at the slightest noise. 

I took in a shaky breath. I couldn't keep this in any longer. I had to tell someone or else my guilt would eat me alive.

So I told her everything.

-
It was indescribable, the feeling that I had when I finally confessed to my best friend. Although my heart was still aching and tears still made rivers down my face, my shoulders felt lighter. Anne had tried to mask her hurt when I initially told her about Cole and I, but I was quick to explain that we didn't tell her, not because we didn't trust her, but because we would think it safest if no-one knew.

She relaxed after I gave her that explanation until I confessed to everything that happened the past month, how my injured ribs were hurt by a deranged ex-boyfriend and not by a random person, how Richard found out about my secret relationship, and the latest development: my forced break-up with Cole.

Sympathy filled her eyes. She knew how my mother could be, but she too was surprised at how my dad had so easily taken her side, not even giving me a chance to talk. Anne listened through it all and by the end of it, pulled me into a hug again, wordlessly telling me that she forgave me for keeping this from her.

Needless to say, I ended up missing two lessons in total that day. When the final bell rang, I slowly made my way to my locker to collect my things. I had to correct myself though when, out of habit, I began to make my way to Mr Tuttle's classroom to be tutored ... only to be painfully reminded that I would no longer be getting tutored.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and gripped my books tighter to my chest before forcing myself to change direction. Thankfully Richard no longer walked me to tutoring. When he found out about Cole and I, he didn't see the point in protecting me from him anymore. I was glad. I didn't feel like needing to explain myself for a while.