Dear Diary

Chapter 92

My legs were shaking, sweat dribbling down my temples and mixing with my tears, when I finally forced myself to come to a stop. I whimpered and wrapped an arm around my aching ribs as I tried to regain my breath. A light jog for five minutes I could handle, not a mad sprint for twenty.

Dobey panted heavily next to me as I slowly looked up once the pain had somewhat subsided, finally taking in my surroundings. It wasn't smart, I know, but I just needed to get away from everything. I didn't care where. Besides, I had my best bodyguard with me.

My eyes widened slightly in realisation when I noticed where I was. An old stone building stood about one hundred metres from Dobey and I. Its chapel reached high above the roof and small, stained-glass windows contrasted to the grey stone walls: my church.

I almost scoffed. 

How ironic that I have a massive fight with my parents (the biggest one ever actually) and end up near my church? I sighed and looked around. The sun was still shining brightly – too brightly for my liking at the moment- so it wasn't like I was walking around in the dark. However, just because I was in the proximity of a church, it did not mean I was invincible to being attacked. Plus I was still injured.

I shook my head. "Come on, Dobey," I muttered and made my way towards the old, open iron gates of the church. 

He pattered along behind me as I walked inside. My shoes squeaked slightly on the flooring, the sound loud to my ears in the quiet room, and I slowly made my way to one of the back pews and sat down, drawing my knees to my chest, Dobey lying down at my feet.

I took a deep breath as I looked around the church. It wasn't a massive, ostentatious church, but you could see that pride was taken in its architecture. The stained-glass windows filtered the light that came through into soft hues of blue, gold and green. There was a calming quality about it.

But it didn't calm me when I remembered what just occurred. 

A shudder ran through me as I wrapped my arms around my legs and rested my forehead on my knees. Why is life so unfair? For once I am absolutely, completely happy and now this happens? Why did they have to find out now?

I don't know how long I sat there, quietly weeping over my misfortune, but my head shot up when I heard someone call out, "Lizzy, is that you?"

It took me a moment to register Pastor Barry standing at the pulpit in the front of the church and I gulped, looking down at my knees, very much aware of the fact that I probably looked like a wreck. 

"Oh, dear, what's wrong?" he asked and I heard him walk up to me.

I bit my lip. "Everything," I choked out and fought to keep the tears from falling again.

Pastor Barry slowly sat down next to me, Dobey eyeing him carefully for a moment before putting his head back down, and looked at me. Pastor Barry's slowly deteriorating eyes showed concern.

"Would you like to talk about it?"

-

It must've been close to an hour later when I finally finished telling my sob story - pausing the odd moment when the words grew too difficult to say. Pastor Barry had been silent the entire time, nodding encouragingly when I faltered and gave a small smile when appropriate. 

I could not explain the relief I felt at finally being able to talk to someone about my relationship; someone who wouldn't judge it by appearance (because he himself was a bad boy when he was younger – and one of the worst you could get at that) and willing to listen without interruption.

"Now I don't know what to do," I muttered with a heavy sigh.

Pastor Barry took a deep breath and leaned back, regarding me silently for a moment. "Well, have you thought of talking to Cole about this?"

I bit my lip and shook my head. "No, if I tell him I know he'll fight it and it'll just mess up whatever chance we might have. If he fights, my parents will only think of it as disrespectful then they'll never let me near him again."

Pastor Barry hummed and looked around, running a hand over his shaven head. "Well, I can't tell you what to do but I can offer some advice."

I looked at him and he gave me a sympathetic smile. "Listen to your parents." My eyes widened as I stared at him in disbelief. Pastor Barry continued, "Your parents only have your best interests at heart, Lizzy. Yes, they could've done it in a better manner, but (at the same time) so could you. Just ... don't throw your family away for one boy. Your parents are just doing what they think is best for you."

I pressed my lips together and rested my forehead on my knees, letting out a shaky breath. "I ... I just can't let him go, sir. I love him so much and with all that he's gone through ... I don't want to hurt him. He doesn't deserve it."

"Judging by what you've told me about this boy, it sounds like he's quite the fighter."

"Oh he is, too much at times," I agreed, a wobbly smile coming to my face as I thought of all the times he wiped the floor with whoever he fought.

"Then he'll be alright; hurt at first, but he'll pull through."

I shook my head, tears filling my eyes. "I love him, Pastor Barry. I don't ... can't let him go; not after everything we've been through."

Pastor Barry scratched his beard for a moment and gave me a soft smile. "Do you believe that God has your best interests at heart, Lizzy?"

I blinked at the sudden change of topic. "Yes ..." I replied slowly.

"Well then, if God thinks that this boy is the one for you, He'll bring him back to you when the time is right. If he isn't the right one, then at least you didn't sever a relationship with your parents, because no-one on this earth loves you more than them. And I'm speaking to you being a father myself."

"But it's just so hard ..." I whispered.

"Part of being an adult is facing the hard decisions in life. I can't force you to make the decision; you will have to decide for yourself. Just ... keep what I've said in mind and think very carefully before you act."

I nodded but stayed silent after that as I looked at my shoes, my mind swirling with Pastor Barry's words. I knew what I had to do, but I was scared. Scared of what was going to happen.

"It's getting late. Would you like me to drive you home?" Pastor Barry asked after a few moments.

I looked around, not even realising that the interior light in the building was growing dimmer until now. All I could do was nod and he helped me up from my seat and we made our way out the church, locking it behind us, and walked towards Pastor Barry's car.

I sat in the backseat with Dobey - who lay with his head resting on my lap - and I stroked his neck, deep in thought. It wasn't long before we reached my house and I slowly got out the car. I looked up and saw my mom peaking out form the living-room window and sighed.

"Thank you, Pastor Barry," I said and he nodded.

"It's a pleasure and good luck," he said and I gave a half-hearted smile, closing the door once Dobey was standing beside me. 

When I entered the house Mom still stood in the living-room, staring at me silently. I knew why she was looking out the window. She thought I had run to Cole; try to catch me red-handed.

Mom shifted for a moment before grabbing the yellow book resting on the coffee table and slowly offered it to me. I stared at her for a moment and I saw her swallow, regret filling her eyes, for what I wasn't sure. I didn't say anything and took it from her, looking down at the cover. My heart grew heavy at the thought of Cole and what I was about to do.

Without another word I turned and walked to my room, closing the door softly behind me.