Dear Diary

Chapter 93

The next morning I woke up feeling twice as heavy with how my heart weighed down on me. My mind was filled with guilt that I didn't even leave my room last night to eat dinner ... and I love my food.

Mom never uttered a word the entire drive to school, the atmosphere thick with tension. The whole time I had hoped that, by some miracle, my mom would change her mind about what she was forcing me to do. But her first words to me since our fight squashed my hope flat as I was about to get out the car.

"Your father will be picking you up straight after school," she said, her eyes staring straight ahead of her. "You won't have any more tutoring sessions with that kid. If you need help with your maths, we'll find a private tutor, okay?"

I didn't look at her, but gave a small nod to acknowledge I heard her before stepping out of the vehicle. The cold air bit at my cheeks and I huddled into my scarf before making my way into the school building.

When Richard saw me, he knew something was wrong instantly. When he questioned me I just shook my head, unable to formulate words. I felt that if I uttered a word, I would break down in tears so I avoided conversations as much as possible.

My friends noticed my quietness too, but I responded to them the same way I did to Richard: a shrug and silence. Thankfully most of my morning classes were stacked with work to complete, seeming as though finals were three months away, and I delved into it as much as possible; trying to block out my suffocating thoughts.

But the worst parts of the day were seeing Cole in the hallways. After dating him a month, I knew exactly when I would see him in the halls between classes. A time that I used to love was now a time I dreaded.

I could never wait to catch just a glimpse of him because we were still dating in secret and so couldn't meet up by the lockers as normal couples do so that was the only time I could see him without giving us away. But now I try my best to avoid him. My mom's words swirled in my head. 

You are to break up with him the next time you see him, and don't you dare try otherwise.

It's stupid, I know: avoiding the inevitable. As though I can go my whole high school career making sure never to see Cole so I don't have to do this. If I told someone about my problem, I'm sure that they would say that I'm a spineless coward ... and maybe they're right, I don't know. 

But I can never not obey my parents, no matter how much I wish to rebel, I can't. I didn't listen to them once and ... well, we all know how that turned out: with my brother six feet below ground.

I was doing quite well at avoiding Cole too until the end of break rolled by and I found Anne and I trekking towards maths; a class I shared with Cole.

The minute my eyes connected with Cole's outside of our classroom, I knew I couldn't avoid it any longer. I patted Anne's arm and she looked at me. "Hey, I ... just need to talk to Cole for a moment," I said. 

There was still two minutes till class started. I would just say what I have to and hightail it out of there.

A mischievous look entered Anne's eye. "Oh ... okay," she smiled, but I didn't return it. 

I never told Anne about Cole and me, she still thinks I'm only crushing on him. 

Her smile dropped at my serious expression. "Okay, I'll make sure no-one takes your seat in the meantime."

"Thanks," I nodded and she turned to walk into the classroom, giving Cole a nod in greeting as he leaned against the wall near the door watching me silently. 

His eyes flickered to hers for a moment and he returned the greeting before looking back at me. When his eyes met mine I saw his face soften a fraction, as it always did whenever he looked at me, and I gulped before slowing moving towards him.