Dear Diary

Chapter 59

It's been a week since Cole showed me how he felt about me and I'll admit, I could've been better. That night Richard didn't take me straight home, I was still too much a mess to face my mom without her asking questions. 

So, he took me to an open all-night garage that stocked my favourite ice-cream. He bought me a tub and just sat silently while I binged on the sugary treat. That why Richard's my best friend: he knows exactly what I need without me even asking.

When I got home my mom questioned why I looked down, but I just explained that I was tired from all the talking. Although, getting her to believe it became a lot harder regarding the following days.

I tried to keep busy as much as possible due to the fact that every time I thought about Cole tears would come to my eyes. In the end I managed to clean every inch of our house ... thrice. 

Normally you can't get me to throw one article of clothing into the hamper. My mom questioned my sudden cleaning frenzy, my response being that I was tired of watching T.V. 

I felt bad for constantly lying to my parents, but I've since learnt to ignore the feeling.

However, today was a very quiet day for me. My parents were at work, leaving me alone with Dobey in the empty house. I didn't plan on spending today as I have every other day this holiday. 

I climbed out of bed early and changed into a pair of public-worthy jeans and a purple sweater, pulling on my black knee-high boots and topping off the look with a white scarf wrapped around my neck.

I put on a little eyeliner and mascara before coating my lips with a shiny watermelon-flavoured lip-gloss. I took a moment to look myself over in the mirror before sighing. 

Today was not the happiest of days for me.

"Come on, Dobey," I spoke softly as I grabbed his lead to clip it on his collar. 

Even Dobey was quieter today, picking up on my sombre mood. I wrote a note for my parents, just in case they came home early, and grabbed the appropriate amount of money I would need. I stepped outside and paused, taking in the biting winter air and extremely overcast sky. I moved back inside to grab my umbrella before locking the door.

Dobey walked obediently beside me as we walked down the sidewalk. After a few minutes of walking I left Dobey tied up outside while I went into a flower shop and bought a bouquet of red carnations. Then I made my way to one of the places that I dreaded to visit - the cemetery.

Although the grounds were always immaculately kept, I couldn't help but feel guilt and shame claw at my insides when I stepped foot on the premises.  I clutched the bouquet of flowers tighter as I led Dobey down the many rows of tombstones, my feet sadly knowing exactly where to go.

When I came to his tombstone I stood in front of it for a moment and stared at the encryption.

Seth Fleming
1965-1983
A loving son and brother.

I sighed as I felt the tears burn my eyes and blinked to try and clear them. I didn't want to ruin my make-up so soon.

I crouched down and gently pulled the dead flowers from the vase and replaced them with the fresh carnations. They were his favourite. 

I stared at the words another moment and closed my eyes as I felt the memory of that fateful day come back to me. With a deep breath, I slowly opened my eyes and lowered myself down into a seated position.

I glanced around for a moment to make sure no-one was around. I always felt awkward talking to a tombstone if other people were nearby. Dobey sat down quietly next to me. Once I saw that the cemetery was empty I turned to look back at the tombstone and took a deep breath.