✰imagines~l.p✰

anxious

stress taking over me. the demons that battle in my head. overthinking at its finest. thinking about the loses i can't from this day even take. insecurities. emotional. mentally unstable. getting over a major L. i cant do seem to do anything on my own. most days are spent with fresh tears falling down my cheeks. anxiety.

the only person that makes me feel alive is him. logan alexander paul. my boyfriend.

but then my overthinking self always says that he never loved me, that he doesn't value me. that he couldn't give a single shit about me

but he says everyday he loves me. he values me. that he does give a shit about me. he will do anything for me.

i walk in the bathroom shutting the door behind me. i'm not going to do anything because i promised logan i would stop. i just go in the bathroom so i guess provide closure... but at the same time it doesn't help. when i feel anxious i cant stop it. only logan can. i don't wanna lose him. i sit on the floor balling myself up in the corner of our shared bathroom. what a fucking pussy i am. i live in such a beautiful home, a beautiful world... yet i'm not mentally content with myself. i have everything i could ask for yet i'm here crying and moping. my breathing paces, i try to calm myself down and do the techniques logan told me to do when he wasn't here to help. my vison blurs but i am still conscious. i ball myself up and rock myself back and fourth. i hear foot steps hoping it was logan.

"baby!" the familiar voice croaked. logan

he holds my shaking hands. he knows i don't like to be hugged especially during an attack. his firm grip allowing me to calm down. i don't even know why half the time i get anxious. it just happens. i sob. like there's nothing else to do. i feel alone and shitty that this man has to go witness me at my lowest. that he has to see me so vulnerable over nothing. this happens almost everyday.

"y/n" he says in his soft tone

the tears in my eyes make it hard to see him. but i feel his warm hand on mine. something i do love is when it's body against body, something that always relaxes me. logan gently lays his head on mine. he rubs circle on my back.

"you need to stop stressing y/n" logan says

"because every day i see you like this.." he refers to the way i look right now. a mess

"and even when you're sad, anxious... you still look beautiful my love" he finishes

my breathing slows down. i close my eyes and shift myself. logan stands up, starting a bath up. this was something he did everyday. as the water warms up he slides his shirt up, he gives me his hand to take so i can stand up. i took his hand, my legs feel  numb. i then put a lot of my weight on him. logan notices and sits me down on the bathroom counter. he puts his warm hands on my thighs, massaging them. i tilt your head back enjoying the moment.

"i promise everything will be okay, okay?" he says then caresses my cheek, then lightly kisses it. he slides my clothes off slowly dipping me in the water

"too hot? too cold?"

"it's perfect" i managed to say

he puts me over him, i lay my head on his chest, i play with the little chest hairs on his chest. hearing little thumps his heartbeat.

"you still fucking make me insane y/n"

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