Ghost Guardian

Chapter 20

(After you read the chapter, listen to the lyrics of the songs down below in the bottom AN :))

Aaron POV

As a kid, I was afraid of the dark. The shadows I saw from my dresser or bookcase were turned into monsters. Demons. Creatures of the night that wished to feed upon my flesh. The dark makes any mind twist reality, especially a young child's, whose mind is more imaginative than most.

So my mother bought me a nightlight. And I got over it.

After Severin's death, however, it came back. Each shadow held a killer. Every noise, from the whistling of the strong winds through the window seal to the sound of my own legs shifting underneath my sheets- everything was a murderer in the dark. 

So I moved far, far away. And I got over it.

And now, here I lie in the darkest void I've ever seen. And I can't get over it. 

I was stupid, thinking that a new love- a new chance to live- could change the way life played out. I was stupid to think that Emery, a person I barely knew personally, could change the way I was. Could change the outcome of death.

And it's strange, even within this dark void, knowing I'm dying somewhere in the real world- knowing that I have a chance of never going back- even then I'm still worried about Emery.

No, not because I loved him. We weren't there yet. But because I know he cherished me. That I changed his way of living. I was his first boyfriend. No one forgets their first.

And, even in this dark void, even though I can not feel any physical thing, my worry for Emery makes my heart clench. I really hoped he died- I did. 

Because no one deserves to be hurt like I was. 

I know some people have been through worse and had gotten better. I know that those people deserve medals and praise for all that they have been through and survived. 

But I had a feeling that Emery had already had his share. That this- me dying, him being there- will kill him. Not physically, but mentally. 

I know how it feels. I know he will blame himself for being there and not taking the bullet. I know he will never sleep peacefully if he still lives. I know of the counselors, the pain, the running away, and still being unhealed.

I know what that's like. So, I prayed that, if I were to die, so would he.

It sounds terrible and selfish of me. But I'd rather him die physically than mentally. I'd rather him die himself than turn into an empty shell of himself and die later that way. I wouldn't want him to be wishing for death, years of it, or him giving up until his eyes no longer glint with curiosity or get excited about the supernatural.

Everyone is a little broken, but some are shattered and unfixable. I hope that Emery is stronger than I think he is. I hope that he really doesn't care about me, enough so that he isn't hurt that bad.

"You are an idiot," I hear. And suddenly, in the void, there is a shining blue light. The light, think. The light that passes you over to death. And suddenly, I'm wishing that I called my mom one last time. Then I hear the voice again. "You think about Emery dying, but you haven't even considered if you will live or not."

"Is this not death?" I asked the voice, but the light dimmed. And suddenly, I see the source.

"No, but you are very close," said Severin's ghost, but this time, I could see him. I couldn't feel anything physically, but emotionally, I was shocked. He was dressed in the white dress shirt and black suit pants he was buried in, handsome as ever. All of him was translucent, but in the darkness of the void, he stood out.