The heart of the ocean

13

Tuesday: less than a month to the beginning of the exams, and we had to prepare us for the last step, that would led me to be free. I could free myself from all those situations that kept me chained, that didn't allow me to be myself, that every time  led me to be judged. In fact...

Wednesday: That day I woke up an hour earlier than usual, to take a good shower so that I had curly hair at the right point. I wanted to try and see what would happen to my hair if I wouldn't squash them at night... I could not continue to use that puppet as a pillow, I always raised my head from the mattress but in the morning I felt pain on my neck. I was finally happy with the result, I looked like Rihanna , at least for me .....

Once I got into school, all my classmates noticed this new style, they complimented me. During intermission, I went out of class with Kim to go to the bathroom, only everyone looked at me in a weird way, laughed at each other and said some strange things to each other that I couldn't hear because they spoke quietly. I felt pressured I remember well a group of boys who were leaning against one of the many radiators of the corridor. A very tall boy watched me from afar, laughed and screamed things I couldn't hear, until the moment I went out school, and I decided to make the way back home.

I returned home with Silas, and after the continuous screams from him and his companions I managed to assimilate all his insults accompanied by the laughter of his friends. He kept calling me a name that still remains in my mind today, a name that is now part of my past: Sideshow Bob.

At that moment I couldn't understand what that strange word meant, I didn't know the Simpsons, and I didn't understand why they also pointed to elias and even laughed at his new haircut, had shaved himself, I didn't understand that they were associating us with characters, and I didn't understand what there was to laugh about hairstyles until she explained it to me elias. He said they wanted to see us together, engaged, they shipped us.

Honestly, I still don't understand what there is to laugh about today, but each of us has a certain kind of humor, and I have to say that they had very little, it wasn't even due to the age so premature , because in the following years, even though he had grown up, I met this boy again, and in that moment I understood his attitudes so strange, they remained the same towards me ....

From the next day I started tying my hair again, they looked like straw, in fact I would preferred to be eaten by a cow so I could no longer bear those insults, I felt disgusting, and I was trying so hard to feel worse.

I began to feel worse and worse, day after day, I was very stressed at that time.

In that moment everyone had the strange idea that if anyone would go to high school he would felt like home, that you would find a family and not just classmates. Everyone would find people with whom spend the rest of their life, everlasting friendships, trips,nights talking and joking drinking beers.
We had this high school concept, at least that's what we thought...

The only person that cheered me up was .... The teacher of Italian that at the end of the year, decided to choose a poem that than would be read at a major party organized by the school, attended by important people, a party linked to all forms of art. In fact there were many adults interested in this topic.

I remember that every single teacher in the school was trying to make that day special, each organizing a different activity that included all the possible talents of the kids, which them would then be showcased, one of them was poetry. They chose one in particular, mine, and said it deserved to be read in front of everyone :

I want to be free, carefree, on a colorful and fragrant flowery meadow. I want to be free carefree, without being afraid to speak, without being afraid to express my thought. Freedom is the only thing I can think about, please grab my hand, lift me up from these waves of the sea and give me a chance to make the world scream how bad I feel.