Two Ghosts // h.s.

12:: slipping away

Harry

It's been a while since we were in Canada. We finished touring actually, we had our last night yesterday. I didn't know I was going to miss this so much. I even cried on stage and the guys asked why but I didn't want to share. Arabella has been supportive all the way and with me on everything. I've already shown her song lyric sheets and Gucci clothing ideas as well as a fragrance that people want me to create with Gucci.

Everything was working out for me it felt. Except for the key point of not telling the guys any of this. I knew they wouldn't take it well. I remember how we reacted with Zayn. This one will actually ruin the band and I was terrified of talking to them.

"Harry. You have to do it today. Please," Arabella begged as she cuddled me, our bodies intertwined with each other. "Touring ended yesterday and you promised this was the time you would do it."

It's been four months since I picked her up from Seattle and took her away. I knew she was becoming homesick while one month in. Her appetite changed majorly as she would sleep a lot through my tour shows because she missed Seattle and home so much. We talked about it a lot and no matter how much she denied that she missed her house and her roommate and her mum, I knew she was lying to me.

Most of the four months we've spent with each other has been visiting places and shops she has wanted to our going out to clubs. Arabella secretly had a wild side to her which made me bring my inner wild side out as well. I have grown already with her by my side and it has made my life better. I love that woman so much, with all my heart in fact. I wanted to make a home with her, I wanted her to move in with me after touring. I wanted to apartment hunt with her as fast as possible and that was the only secret on my mind that I was keeping from her.

Arabella was one to live in the moment instead of planning ahead. I was the opposite and always made the plans for us compared her free willingness to participate in anything she would see because that was just the way we lived. I guess that reason is the way she changed me a little into becoming not reckless but more careless and living than I was before she came into my life.

"I will, I will. I just need to prepare what I want to say. I don't think it would be good to continue to constantly ramble to them my thoughts and feelings. I need a speech to memorize or something," I explained before I received the given disappointed mum look from my beautiful girlfriend.

"You've had four months to write a speech. I know you have. You're just nervous," she shrugged, seeing right through my complete and utter bullshit.

"Okay, yes maybe I did write one," I began as she turned around and pointed to me, giving herself a victory cheer. "But I am really nervous about going there and telling them everything I feel. They will hate me and they're my best friends. They will bring up my weakness which is the fans but I haven't been happy. I am not happy in this boy band anymore and I want to grow up. I feel like that's selfish but to be able to continue to do what I am doing I have to be happy and not just a working robot."

"And tell them exactly that, babe. You'll kill it, don't worry. Just ask to talk to them outside and they will follow. They will listen. Don't worry about anything else," she kissed my forehead, rubbing my back with baby circles to help calm me down.

I turned around and looked up at her, kissing her on the lips, her lips soft and plump before she smiled and turned away. I took a deep breath with the hope of mentally calm myself down. I took her advice, I spilled my heart out of how I felt for the longest time and they were always the same. I walked out into the main area of the tour bus as the guys were drinking beers and laughing. My heart instantly sped up from the fear I had deep down.

"Hey," my voice cracked instantly and I cringed at the sound when I could hear Arabella dying from the room behind me. "Do you think I can talk to you, mates?"