Two Ghosts // h.s.

23:: nineteenth nervous breakdown

Arabella

Here I was, standing in front of the baby book aisle of Barnes and Noble with Harry. Was this real? What the hell am I doing and how did this happen? Personally, I was freaking the fuck out in my head but still trying to remain calm the whole entire time. I felt like I was in the middle of a fever dream and just trying to pinch myself to wake up. My mind became fuzzy as I looked at all the books about children and pregnant women.

I look over at Harry who has his hand playing with his bottom lip as his eyes scanned the books. I took a deep breath and looked down at my stomach. I couldn't believe this was happening, I was having a child with my boyfriend. What will people think of me? I know Liam and Louis have their kids who are adorable and loving, but they also ended up getting slammed by the media. I mean come on, I was in the middle of Barnes and Noble in broad daylight where any fan could see while looking for and buying books for an expecting family.

"I don't know where to start looking," Harry broke the silence which made me nervously giggle back. He stared at me and I didn't know how to react. I could see the fear in his eyes about not knowing the future.

"Harry, I am terrified. I don't even know what to expect and this is not what I was expecting at all. I was hoping this time would happen during our marriage in the future and we would be able to have time alone for a little while," I begin to tell him everything I had on my chest.

I saw the look of his heart start to break in his eyes as tears were forming in my eyes. I decided to run off to the women's bathroom in order to recollect myself and my feelings before going back out into the public. I walked in and instantly went to one of the stalls so I could sit and breathe.

When did this even happen? I know that I wasn't fully confirmed as pregnant, yet the doctor's appointment is scheduled for tomorrow. I closed my eyes trying to wrap my head around the thoughts and trying to tell myself that I was being dramatic. I was being selfish that I didn't want a child and that I wanted more time with Harry. I don't know why I was being this selfish, I have always wanted a baby and even as a teenager. I felt like I finally reconnected with Harry for the first time in my life and I wanted to enjoy this time. I was being selfish though, I really need my hormones to calm the fuck down. Is this how the whole pregnancy is going to be? Am I going to be crying at everything?

I heard the door bust open after a little while. "Arabella, please come out."

I take a deep breath and look at the ground while standing up. I open the stale and walk out to meet my eyes with Harry. His eyes had become red with tears on the brim of falling down his face.

"Harry. I am so sorry," I whispered with my voice cracking, I knew I couldn't trust myself to talk anymore yet I did. "I just want alone time with you. I am not ready for a baby."

I started to cry as Harry walked over to me. Wrapping his arms around me, I felt a blanket of safeness and security. My tears dropped onto his jacket as my breathing wouldn't calm down. I continued to constantly gasp for air as Harry ran his fingers through my hair to help relieve some stress.

"Arabella?" Harry whispered as his voice broke as well. I hummed since I didn't trust my voice as I gasped for air frequently. "Are you saying you want to get rid of her?"

My eyes closed as my fingers gripped onto the jacket. The thought instantly hurt my heart. This was my baby. I couldn't get rid of it. It hurt me even more than Harry even thought that I would.

"No, no. I just am being selfish. I want time with you and I feel like it will be taken away. You won't love me anymore and you'll only love the baby. You'll fall out of love with me," I started to rant until I realized true words that were deep down had floated to the surface.