A Dance Of Blades and Hearts

the fire in your eyes

He was staring at me intently, I had calmed down after my outburst, enough to realize that I wasn't playing the hero worship for your sovereign part right,

and I was probably in so much trouble, everything just hit me at once and it felt like I couldn't breathe without saying what was on my mind.

"is that you speaking your mind kiara? " he asked voice calm,

barely above a whisper,

he didn't sound angry like I was expecting, but his eyes were on mine and I found it hard to breathe from all the emotions I saw swimming in them.

I couldn't say anything, I didn't know what to say, apologizing seemed so wrong cuz I meant every word.

************

I stared at her, distantly it registered in my head that she had spoken to me in a way I haven't ever been spoken too since I was old enough to read, and that by every perian standard I had every right to punish her,

but I was too focused on her eyes and everything I could see in them, she stood eyes wide, clutching her necklace tightly to her chest.

This woman had said things nobody has ever had the courage to say to me for fear of their lives, and I couldn't find it in me to be angry, I blamed myself already for how the nation is, I've blamed myself for what my family started since I was old enough to understand what war meant and seeing evidence of what it could do to people in the eyes of a woman that was always so strong rattled me. I wasn't angry at her, but at myself.

Father always said there was strength in Fear and power, mother always laughing it off when I told her and just telling me to find my strength in love and loyalty.

*****************
I stood frozen watching him, I didn't know what to expect, his eyes held so much sadness and guilt as they looked at me that I found it hard not to look away, he stood up and I instinctively, prepared myself for the worst.

"you have every right to your thoughts, and I truly am sorry " he said in such a sincere way that my defensive stance loosened a little, the wheels in my head turning, why wasn't he locking me up or having me punished right now?and he was apologizing??

he made to walk away and I stared in confusion, I didn't expect him to say anything else but he was turning to face me again.

"I do understand what it feels like, I lost my mother too " he said in such a small voice that I probably wouldn't have heard if everywhere wasn't so quiet.

and like that he was gone. I stood numbly, not sure what the ache in my chest was for.

Lia was still sound asleep when I got back to my room, I desperately tried to rid my mind of the look on his face when I lashed out, but it was all I could see, the man I had made him out to be in my head wasn't who I saw tonight, and I didn't know what to do with that information.

**************

"well you look terrible " song commented, I shot him a glare and he snickered

"didn't get any sleep " I replied fixing my hair, letting it fall across my face,

yesterday with kiara was all I could think about. Song looked me over, worry on his face

" are you okay orlan?" he asked

I shot him a smile

"of course, let's head out ", he nodded "the elites are stationed with the horses already " I froze

admist it all I had forgotten that kiara would be going on this trip too, I wasn't so eager to talk to her,

yesterday, there was a world of pain in her eyes and I somehow felt responsible for them, and the look in her eyes made it obvious how she felt about me. I sighed

The thought didn't sit well with me for some reason, I was used to people disliking me for my families role in the war, it was there in the eyes of every delegate that has ever been sent to Peria on behalf of the other cities

but seeing that same look on her eyes hurt more than it normally did. We entered the clearing and my eyes immediately landed on her.

******************
I was nervous, I didn't know how to act, we stood waiting for general song and the emperor, clen trying to make jokes and talking to me, but I was distracted, seeing him again so soon after my outburst yesterday made me nervous for some reason,

he said he had lost his mother too, he didn't have to tell me that, just like I didn't have to tell him all I did and loose it like that, but I did and now there's this feeling of guilt that settled in my stomach since he said it and I don't know how to handle it.

This was a man whose family has been on the forefront of an all consuming war since before I was born, someone who was supposed to represent fear and destruction, but yesterday...

I shook my head to clear the thoughts. Clen said something and started laughing at his joke and I laughed a little but it came out strained.

"elites " general songs voice called suddenly and we all snapped our head at his direction, he stood with the emperor, he was dressed down, hair falling across his face and clothes just as plain as clens, but he still held himself with an air of authority, eyes piercing,

general song had said the mission was a secret and no body was to know the emperor was leaving the palace, we all bowed at him and he nodded, he didn't look my way as he got on a horse, pulling a hood across his face, and I was grateful for it.

*************
Song and I rode in the middle, two elites at our back, kiara and another elite at the front, they seemed to be friends, her expression lacked the fire that was there when she lashed out yesterday, she smiled at something the elite said, I hadn't seen her smile before, it was a good look on her.

"orlan, are you listening? ", my gaze fell on song, I didn't realize he was speaking to me, his eyebrow was raised and he was giving me a knowing look

"sorry, you were saying? " I said giving him my full attention and he just smirked, that earned a confused look from me and he smiled and rolled his eyes before replying

"we have to set up camp soon, the southern cities is still a day away and the sun will soon set " he said, and I nodded.

*************

General song gave an order to set up camp, we all got to work, the twins working silently, they were a quiet pair, never really talked unless spoken too, clen tried to engage them in conversations more than once, they indulged him, mal contributing more to the conversations.

The emperor had set up his tent by himself, stopping mah and mal when they moved to do it,

clens jaw dropped in surprise and I blinked, he moved fast, hands working on setting up his tent, we all stared at him in surprise at first before general song just smiled and waved us away.

"do all aristocrats know how to set up tents?" clen whispered, a confused look on his face and I just shrugged.

"that's so cool" he continued hero worship in his eyes, and I tried hard not to role my eyes. My eyes found him and general song working on the generals tent, they looked close, well closer than the normal general emperor relationship,

it was confirmed when general song burst into laughter before swinging his arms around the emperor who had a put upon look on his face, but smiled affectionately

as I watched them, master maraks voice played in my head

you are to end the perian emperor.