A Dance Of Blades and Hearts

maybe we're ship wrecks, maybe?

I've been in Peria for 2 days and I'd spent most of it hiding out in my room.

After the conversation with oria I had calmed down alittle, but was more than terrified of running into him.

I thought about lia, clen and lu fehn, if they're still in the palace.

I definitely hope lia isn't, she always wanted to leave.

The diplomatic meetings had started and I couldn't bring myself to go for them, because going means seeing him,

being near him, and as much as I want to see his face again I'm not ready for the ache that will surely grow in my chest.

I know I can't hide forever, I'll have to speak to him at a point, I still want to beg for forgiveness even though I don't deserve it, even if he doesn't care anymore, I still want to.

After I got back from the generals quarters, azumi had bombarded me with questions,

he had looked thoroughly confused and surprised when I told him the general means us no harm.

Azumi asked why he called for me then and I told him I dont know, cuz I honestly still don't.

The general, oria had made it sound like I needed to be here for the emperor, but he was cryptic about everything else and I'm still so confused.

The diplomatic meeting will be over in two months and I'll have to leave,

but I know I can't do that without facing the emperor first, without making sure he's okay.

his uncle made it sound like he wasn't, and it hurts my heart to think he isn't.

But I knew I couldn't hide for long, I'll have to attend the diplomatic meetings soon, and I'm completely dreading it.

"you're sure you don't want to come with us? " tera asks and I nod,

"kia it's lunch, you have to " I shake my head

Lunch is with the other ambassadors in the banquet hall, he'll be there too

She sighs before sitting and swinging her legs

" I never asked because I wasn't sure, but I will now, that person you fell in love with here, are you still in love with him?" she asks carefully and I freeze,

that was completely unexpected.

Her eyes look concerned and I realize she has really never tried to talk about this with me, and she's my best friend,

I caused that.

I made both of them feel like they had to be careful around me.

I nod and her eyes widen a little, clearly surprised

"and that's why you've been avoiding going out? Cuz he's here " she asks again and I suck in a breath before nodding.

Her eyes are soft and gentle

"it's been 4 years kiara, and you still love him, you shouldn't run away from a love like that" she says carefully and my heart aches

"I think you should talk to him when you're ready, but till then, I'm happy to steal lunch for you and sneak in here" she says grinning and I relax instantly,

smiling gratefully at her.

*****************
"the trade deal for winter wear was between the south and north before it was hijacked by the east minister of trade, the south demands for our original agreement to be respected "

"I'll have you know sir, that the east out bargained what you offered to the south, so the trade deal stays as it is "

"that's not how an agreement works sir"